"Honor your father and your
mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you"
(Exodus 20:12 NIV),
The first four commandments deal with
our relationship with God. The last six commandments deal with our relationship with
people.
The first four commandments instruct us
to put God first. The last six commandments teach us what happens to our relationship with
others when we put God first.
We must not forget that our
relationship with each other is governed by our relationship with God.
When Christ came, he not only sought to
reconcile the world to himself, but he also sought to reconcile us to one another. We must
remember, there can be no reconciliation with God when we are not reconciled to each
other. A failure to have proper relationship with others is a sure sign of a failed
relationship with God.
Ephesians 2:13-18 But now in Christ Jesus you who once
were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. For he himself is our
peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of
hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His
purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in
this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death
their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those
who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. (NIV)
In the immediate context Paul is
speaking of Jew and Gentile, but it applies to all. Christ came to make peace. He seeks to
destroy the hostility between us through the cross as he reconciles us to God in one body,
which is the church. Christ seeks to bring peace to our relationships by recreating us in
his own image. Christ came to reconcile us to God through the love manifested on the
cross. However, that same love must reconcile us to each other as we exemplify the same
sacrificial love to those around us.
The 5th commandment: "Honor
your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is
giving you" (Exodus 20:12 NIV),
You must understand what is implied. It
implies that parents are putting God first. They are exemplifying submission to God for
their children, just as Christ exemplified God's sacrificial love for us. Of course, if
the parents are not exemplifying this behavior, it doesn't negate the fifth commandment
for the children. It just makes the children's life more difficult, for the children have
no example to follow. They will have to wing it on their own.
However, Ezekiel impresses us with the
truth that we cannot blame our behavior on others. Even if our parents have set bad
examples, we must not follow their example. "The word of the LORD came to me:
"What do you people mean by quoting this proverb about the land of Israel: 'The
fathers eat sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge'? "As surely as I
live, declares the Sovereign LORD, you will no longer quote this proverb in Israel. For
every living soul belongs to me, the father as well as the son-- both alike belong to me.
The soul who sins is the one who will die." (Ezekiel 18:1-4 NIV)
Our parent's sins do not justify our
sin. Our teeth don't have to be set on edge just because our parents have eaten sour
grapes. We must remember that the fifth commandment does not require that we have loving,
stable, and thoughtful parents in order to become healthy ourselves. It is required that
we learn to honor the parents we have, whether we like them or not, whether they earn it
or not.
There is a crucial aspect of our
relationship with the world. The world must be able to see that God comes first in our
lives. This is especially true with our children. The fifth commandment instructs children
to, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the
LORD your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12 NIV) I think we can safely assume
that the parents being honored understand their need to honor God. Solomon writes, "Train
a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
(Proverbs 22:6 NIV)
God chose Abraham because he knew that
Abraham would rear God-fearing children.
"For I have chosen him, so that he
will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing
what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what he has promised
him." (Genesis
18:19 NIV)
The law instructed the parents to teach
the children.
Deuteronomy 6:1-9 These are the commands, decrees and
laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are
crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them
may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands
that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. Hear, O Israel, and be careful to
obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing
with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, promised you. Hear, O
Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and
with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today
are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at
home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as
symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of
your houses and on your gates. (NIV)
Deuteronomy 6:17-25 Be sure to keep the commands of the
LORD your God and the stipulations and decrees he has given you. Do what is right and good
in the LORD's sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take over the
good land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers, thrusting out all your
enemies before you, as the LORD said. In the future, when your son asks you, "What is
the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded
you?" tell him: "We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out
of Egypt with a mighty hand. Before our eyes the LORD sent miraculous signs and wonders--
great and terrible-- upon Egypt and Pharaoh and his whole household. But he brought us out
from there to bring us in and give us the land that he promised on oath to our
forefathers. The LORD commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear the LORD our God,
so that we might always prosper and be kept alive, as is the case today. And if we are
careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be
our righteousness." (NIV)
The ordinances of the law were given
with the children in mind.
Exodus 12:24-27 "Obey these instructions as a
lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. When you enter the land that the LORD will
give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. And when your children ask you, 'What does
this ceremony mean to you?' then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who
passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down
the Egyptians.'" Then the people bowed down and worshiped. (NIV)
Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves
closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from
your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after
them. Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me,
"Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me
as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children." (NIV)
Deuteronomy 11:19-21 Teach them to your children, talking
about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and
when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that
your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to
give your forefathers, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth. (NIV)
Psalms 78:1-8 O my people, hear my teaching; listen
to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in parables, I will utter hidden things,
things from of old--what we have heard and known, what our fathers have told us. We will
not hide them from their children; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds
of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and
established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children,
so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn
would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his
deeds but would keep his commands. They would not be like their forefathers-- a stubborn
and rebellious generation, whose hearts were not loyal to God, whose spirits were not
faithful to him. (NIV)
Jews were seeking to negate the
responsibility of grown children to their parents.
Matthew 15:4-9 For God said, 'Honor your father and
mother' and 'Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.' But you say
that if a man says to his father or mother, 'Whatever help you might otherwise have
received from me is a gift devoted to God,' he is not to 'honor his father' with it. Thus
you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition. You hypocrites! Isaiah was
right when he prophesied about you: "'These people honor me with their lips, but
their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules
taught by men.'" (NIV)
Stern warnings were issued against
those who were irresponsible to parents.
Proverbs 28:24 He who robs his father or mother and
says, "It's not wrong"-- he is partner to him who destroys. (NIV)
Proverbs 30:11-14 "There are those who curse their
fathers and do not bless their mothers; those who are pure in their own eyes and yet are
not cleansed of their filth; those whose eyes are ever so haughty, whose glances are so
disdainful; those whose teeth are swords and whose jaws are set with knives to devour the
poor from the earth, the needy from among mankind. (NIV)
Proverbs 30:17 "The eye that mocks a father, that
scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be
eaten by the vultures. (NIV)
Exodus 21:15, 17 Anyone who attacks his father or his
mother must be put to death . . . Anyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely
be put to death. (NIV)
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious
son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they
discipline him, his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders
at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn
and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." Then all the
men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All
Israel will hear of it and be afraid. (NIV)
The New Testament places parental
responsibility upon Christians.
The fifth commandment doesn't just
speak to small children. It speaks to those children who have grown up and have families
of their own.
1 Timothy 5:3-4 Give proper recognition to those widows
who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn
first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so
repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. (NIV)
Titus 2:1-5 You must teach what is in accord with
sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled,
and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be
reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach
what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,
to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their
husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (NIV)
Parents are to rear children without
instilling anger.
It is not good to rear children with
fear and discipline them with guilt; we must rear them out of love for them.
Ephesians 6:4 Children, obey your parents in the
Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"-- which is the first
commandment with a promise--"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long
life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up
in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV)
A stern warning is given for those who
refuse to take care of family.
1 Timothy 5:8 If anyone does not provide for his
relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse
than an unbeliever. (NIV)
The importance of the fifth commandment
is seen in its far-reaching implications to other areas of our lives. The precepts of the
fifth commandment, forms the transition of a relationship with God to a relationship with
our fellowman as seen in the remainder of the commandments. God was to be honored by the
parents as they sought a proper relationship with their children. In turn the children
learned how to honor those with whom they came into contact as they seek to honor God.
Children learn how to respond to
others by how we interact with them. Learning how to be a good Christian begins at
home.
1 Timothy 5:1-2 Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but
exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as
mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (NIV)
Good citizenship begins in the home.
The key to living long in the land of promise was a respect for godly authority, which was
to exemplified by the parents. It is not a commandment that is simply talking about
physical life. It is a commandment, which speaks of the longevity of a nation.
This commandment has to do with
interpersonal relationships in all of life. The demand for reverence for parents lays
the foundation for the sanctification of all social life, inasmuch as it teaches us to
acknowledge a divine authority. (The Pentateuch, The Second Book of Moses, Keil-Delitzsch,
page 122.)
The prosperity and well-being of a
nation depends upon the reverence of children toward their parents."
"There is a double promise here.
So long as the nation rejoiced in the possession of obedient children, it was assured of a
long life or existence in the land of Canaan; but there is also included the promise of a
long life, i.e. a great age, to individuals (cf. Deut. 6:2, 22:7), just as we find in 1
Kings 3:14 a good age referred to as a special blessing from God. In Deut. 5:15, the
promise of long life is followed by the words, 'and that it may be well with thee,' which
do not alter the sense, but merely explain it more fully." (The Pentateuch, The
Second Book of Moses, Keil-Delitzsch, page 122.)
Conclusion:
It is from this commandment that we can
begin to understand how God seeks to reconcile the world to himself, as he reconciles each
of us to him through the cross.
A wealthy widower deeded all his
property to his only son and daughter-in-law on the condition that he would be allowed to
live in the country with them for the rest of his life. After a few years, when the
inheritance had been spent, the daughter- in-law got tired of having the elderly gentleman
around and told her husband he would have to leave. The son agreed and broke the news to
his father. A short time later he and the feeble old man walked down the dusty road to a
state- supported home for senior citizens. Being very unsteady on his feet, the father
finally asked if he could rest for a few moments on a sawed-off stump to regain his
strength for the last mile of the journey. As he sat there, he suddenly put his head in
his hands and began to sob. The son, pricked in his conscience, tried to make excuses.
Finally, the father controlled himself enough to say, "I'm not crying so much because
I'm going to this lonely home for the poor and unfortunate. I'm weeping because of my own
sins. Forty years ago I walked down this road with my father and brought him to the very
same place. I am now seeing the results of the evil deeds I have sown!"
Paul gives a little more insight to
this commandment. Paul writes, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this
is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’-- which is the first commandment with a
promise—‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the
earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the
training and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:1-4 NIV) We must remember
that our personal welfare is at stake in honoring parents. If we fail to adhere to this
command we will rear children who dishonor us.
There are two elements to the fifth
commandment. The first element is the call to honor parents. The second
element is that God is calling parents to be honorable. Parents must first obey the
principles taught to children. The children must see those principles as the very fabric
that holds the family together.
A soul rises or falls on how the first
commandment is kept. A society rises or falls on what we do with the fifth commandment,
for the basic unit of society is the family. If the family falls apart, society will fall
apart.
Our materialistic age should impress
parents with the need to provide for our children's spiritual growth. In a cemetery in
England stands a grave marker with this inscription: SHE DIED FOR WANT OF THINGS.
Alongside that stone is another, which reads: HE DIED TRYING TO GIVE THEM TO HER. In a
laughable and yet tragic manner these epitaphs suggest the folly of living and working
only for this world's goods. However, I am afraid that these epitaphs describe the
downfall of our society. And our children are paying the price for it as mom and dad
sacrifice their spiritual training to provide the latest fads on the market.
As Paul quotes the fifth commandment in
Ephesians and Colossians, he doesn't hesitate to attach the significance of honorable
parents to it. Paul writes, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead,
bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Parents must exemplify whatever it
is they want their children to be. We need to remember that our children didn't evolve
from monkeys, but monkeys and children have a common trait; monkey see, monkey do. Our
children's behavior is caught rather than taught. If we aren't an example of good values,
our children will most likely not have good values no matter how much we teach otherwise.
God chose Abraham because he knew that
Abraham would exemplify how his children should live. Abraham rearing his children to
follow God was crucial to God’s plan to save the world.
Genesis 18:16-19 When the men got up to leave, they
looked down toward Sodom, and Abraham walked along with them to see them on their way.
Then the LORD said, "Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do? Abraham will
surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed
through him. For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household
after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD
will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him." (NIV)
The future of the world hinged upon
Abraham rearing his children to honor God. The future of our world hinges upon how we rear
our children. We mentor children; that is we teach them how to think and behave by
exemplifying desired behavior. The following verses teach us that the child's curiosity
for learning is aroused by what the parents do.
Exodus 12:24-27 "Obey these instructions as a
lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. When you enter the land that the LORD will
give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. And when your children ask you, 'What does
this ceremony mean to you?' then tell them, 'It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who
passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down
the Egyptians.'" Then the people bowed down and worshiped. (NIV)
Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves
closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from
your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after
them. Remember the day you stood before the LORD your God at Horeb, when he said to me,
"Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me
as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children." (NIV)
If parents want children to have a
healthy respect for authority, they must exemplify a healthy respect for authority
themselves. We show our children how to respect authority by demonstrating our respect for
God's authority. If you expect your children to have a healthy respect for authority, you
must demonstrate it. The children will follow us down the road we are going.
How to Be Honorable Parents
To be worthy of honor we must live
consistent lives ourselves. Consistence reveals our character
more than anything. Consistence reveals how honest we are. Honesty is something all of us
must work on and practice.
Paul writes, "Children, obey
your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your
children, or they will become discouraged." (Colossians 3:20-21 NIV) The surest
way to embitter your children is to say one thing and do another. By always blaming and
never praising. By being inconsistent and unfair in discipline, and by showing favoritism.
By making promises and never keeping them.
When the 10-year-olds in Mrs. Imogene
Frost's class at the Brookside, N.J. Community Sunday School expressed their views of
"What's wrong with grownups?", they came up with these complaints:
To be honorable doesn't mean that we,
or our children will be perfect. Honor has to do with how we deal
with the imperfections in others and ourselves. Honor allows us and others to learn from
mistakes. A man related a story about his life when he was a young infantry officer
related the following story.
In one of my assignments as a young
infantry officer, I was sent to the 48th Infantry near Frankfurt, Germany. In those days
our prize weapon was a huge 280-mm atomic cannon. Guarded by infantry platoons, these guns
were hauled around the forests on trucks to keep the Soviets from guessing their location.
One day Captain Tom Miller assigned my platoon to guard a 280. I alerted my men, loaded my
.45 caliber pistol and jumped into my jeep. I had not gone far when I realized that my .45
was gone. I was petrified. In the army, losing a weapon is serious business. I had no
choice but to radio Captain Miller and tell him. "You what?" he said in
disbelief. He paused a few seconds, then added, "All right, continue the
mission."
When I returned, uneasily contemplating
my fate, Miller called me over. "I've got something for you," he said, handing
me the pistol. "Some kids in the village found it where it fell out of your
holster." "Kids found it?" I felt a cold chill. "Yeah," he said.
"Luckily they only got off one round before we heard the shot and took the gun
away." The disastrous possibilities left me limp. "For God's sake, son, don't
let that happen again." He drove off. I checked the magazine and found it was full.
The gun had not been fired.
Later I learned that I had dropped it
in my tent before I ever got started. Miller had fabricated the scene about the kids to
give me a good scare. Today the army might hold an investigation, call in lawyers and
likely enter a bad mark on my record. Miller gave me the chance to learn from my mistake.
His example of intelligent leadership was not lost on me. Nobody ever got to the top
without slipping up. When someone stumbles, I don't believe in stomping on him. My
philosophy is "Pick 'em up, dust 'em off and get 'em moving again." (By Colin
Powell from A Cup of Chicken Soup for the Soul Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark
Victor Hansen & Barry Spilchuk.)
A position of authority does not
insure that those who occupy the position are honorable. Too often, a position of
authority is confused with honor. We may think that a position of authority demands
respect for the one in authority. One may respect the position of authority, but have no
reason to respect those in authority. We all have had bosses we obeyed out of respect for
their authority, but we didn't necessarily honor them.
Honor is not something we demand; it is
earned. Parents may
be able to demand obedience, but you cannot demand that someone honor you. Children may
honor a parent’s position of authority, but have no reason to honor the parent. We
need to be the kind of parents who encourage obedience through being honorable. It is
difficult to call upon our children to honor us when we are not honorable.
The problems we are facing in our
society today are the result of a decline of moral decency. This decline began in the
home. If parents expect children to have high moral values, they must have high moral
values.
Honor is earned as parents show
concern when their children have problems. Honor is earned when we deal with our
children’s problems honorably. Dealing with our children’s problems without
embittering them toward us, or the church makes us honorable.
Honored is earned as those in
authority accept responsibility for those they have authority over. The only way true
spiritual leaders can accept responsibility for those they lead is by submitting
themselves to the needs of those in submission to them.
The biggest problem with authority
in the church and in the home is that those in authority do not hold themselves
responsible to those they have authority over. You give certain people a little
authority and they become gods and popes. They start making their own rules as they
disregard the laws of God. They somehow think of themselves as infallible.
Qualifying for spiritual leadership in
the church begins in the home.
1 Timothy 3:1-7 Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone
sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be
above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable,
hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not
quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his
children obey him with proper respect. (If anyone does not know how to manage his own
family, how can he take care of God's church?) He must not be a recent convert, or he may
become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil. He must also have a good
reputation with outsiders, so that he will not fall into disgrace and into the devil's
trap. (NIV)
I have seen homes and so many churches
stifled simply because of a perverted sense of authority. When we make decisions without
including those affected by the decisions we stifle the growth of those individuals.
People become responsible when they are involved in making decisions that involve them.
That is the only way you can instill a sense of responsibility honorably.
If you see yourself as an authority
figure, you must have a deep abiding respect for the authority entrusted to you.
1 Peter 5:1-4 To the elders among you, I appeal as a
fellow elder, a witness of Christ's sufferings and one who also will share in the glory to
be revealed: Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers-not
because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for
money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples
to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory
that will never fade away. (NIV)
Is it any wonder that those who lead
God’s people must first be capable of leading their own family? Paul writes,
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father
and mother’-- which is the first commandment with a promise—‘that it may go
well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not
exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the
Lord." (Ephesians 6:1-4 NIV)
Conclusion:
We need to remember the authority of a
Christian in a home or a church is demonstrated by ones ability to lead by example. Our
willingness to lead by example creates a desire for others to follow.
I want to preach a couple of more
lessons about honoring parents before we leave this fifth commandment. We are having Lads
to Leaders Workshop the last weekend of this month and I want us to think about what we
need to do to make leaders out of the young people. To do this we will have to seek to
understand the responsibility of the home and the church as it relates to the fifth
commandment.
A frail old man went to live with his
son, daughter-in-law, and four-year grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight
was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly
grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his
spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son
and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. We must do something about
Grandfather," said the son. I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and
food on the floor. So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There,
Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had
broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. When the family glanced in
Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the
only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled
food.
The four-year-old watched it all in
silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on
the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly,
the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food
out of when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. The words so
struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their
cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done. That evening the husband
took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of
his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife
seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Children are remarkably perceptive.
Their eyes ever observe; their ears ever listen, and their minds ever process the messages
they absorb. If they see us patiently provide a happy home atmosphere for family members,
they will imitate that attitude for the rest of their lives. The wise parent realizes that
every day the building blocks are being laid for the child's future. Let's be wise
builders and role models. "Life is about people connecting with people, and making a
positive difference" Take care of yourself, and those you love, ...today, and
everyday!
God has placed a high value upon the
home because he knows that what we become in life, good or bad, is influenced by the home.
This commandment is important for children, parents and society.
"When it comes to rearing
children, every society is only 20 years away from barbarism. Twenty years is all we have
to accomplish the task of civilizing the infants who are born into our midst each year.
These savages know nothing of our language, our culture, our religion, our values, our
customs of interpersonal relations. The infant is totally ignorant about communism,
fascism, democracy, civil liberties, the rights of the minority as contrasted with the
prerogatives of the majority, respect, decency, honesty, customs, conventions, and
manners. The barbarian must be tamed if civilization is to survive." (Albert Siegel,
Stanford Observer)
The debates over "heredity"
or "environment" are nonsense if we don't accept our responsibility as parents.
Politicians can't change the future. Institutions can't change the future. Godly parents
can change the future however!
Children are the only things that
parents can take to heaven with them. (Billy Graham)
The modern day parental philosophy is
that we are not going to teach our children what to be or believe. We seek to rear them so
that they can decide whatever it is they want to believe or be. We want our children to
decide whether they want to go to church or not go to church. So many parents don’t
want to influence their children one way or another for fear of stifling their
personalities. Parents may think that they actually don’t know what is best for the
children. They may think the child will decide what is best at the proper time.
Parents often seek to rear their
children in a vacuum as they try to rear them without having any undue influence upon
their lives. A
vacuum is created as we suck all the air out of a container and seal the container. We
vacuum pack foods in a vacuum to protect them from outside contaminants. However, if a
hole is punched in the container air is sucked back into the container. You often hear air
sucked into a vacuum packed container as you punch a hole in it. Sometimes we may think
that our children’s brains are encased in a vacuum. We may believe that at a certain
stage the vacuum is broken and their brains suck whatever information they need in and
they automatically become whatever it was they were meant to be. We may think that nature
will fill their brains with whatever it is that they need when the vacuum is broken.
There are three stages of obedience
that each of us must navigate successfully in order to become a stable adult: enforced
obedience, willful obedience and mutual obedience. All of us go through each stage of
obedience. Parents must endeavor to lead their children through the initial stage of
childhood obedience so that they can successfully navigate children into healthy
adulthood.
Enforced obedience is the stage
where the parent knows what is best for the child. Babies come into the world crying
for what they need, but as they grow older they must learn more mature ways to fill their
needs. Parents are responsible for leading the child through a period of enforced
obedience to teach them what is right and wrong.
Enforced obedience is the first stage
of obedience. Solomon emphasizes the parent’s important responsibility to guide the
child through the first stage of enforced obedience. Solomon says, "Train a child
in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." (Proverbs
22:6 NIV) Paul emphasizes the need of the child to obey the parent. Paul says, "Children
obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." (Ephesians 6:1)
Children must be led through a healthy
stage of enforced obedience. You can’t rear children in a vacuum hoping that when the
time comes they will fill the vacuum for themselves
Rearing children through the stage
of enforced obedience is not always easy. Family vacations are wonderful times, but
they do have their tedious moments. Dad, Mom, and the two boys were about 200 miles into
their trip, when Dad had enough! "Ever since we left home," he said, "you
boys have been picking on each other, yelling names and tearing up the back seat of the
car. I am putting an end to this now!" He slammed on the brakes, pulled the car off
to the side of the road, jerked his sons out and spanked them both soundly. "I don't
want to hear one word out of either of you for 30 minutes," he shouted, "not one
word!" The two boys sat still and quiet for at least 30 minutes until the youngest
one meekly said, "Daddy, do you remember when you spanked me? Well, one of my shoes
came off...!"
Enforced obedience is a period where the children learn the limits of behavior. They learn what is good and bad; what is right and wrong. Children must be guided through this stage of life to properly prepare them for the stage of willful obedience. This is not an easy stage to lead children through. When God put Adam and Eve in the garden, he gave them limits even though they were given all that they needed.
Teens must learn to respect their
parents. Our society pushes teenagers to do just the opposite. Sitcoms portray parents as
dim-witted incompetents and the children as the dispensers of common sense. Any and all
parental restraints tend to be ridiculed and resisted as assaults on their individual
freedom. Socially, it is expected that teens will not respect their parents. But it
doesn't have to be that way. Teenage rebellion is not inevitable. It can be avoided
entirely by parents investing themselves into building a close relationship with their
kids.
When God became flesh he needed to go
through the period of enforced obedience to bring him to a stage of willful obedience.
Jesus obeyed his parents because they knew what was best for him. Thankfully, he had godly
parents to guide him. When Jesus was thirteen, Luke 2:51
tells us that he continued to obey his earthly parents by placing himself under their
authority.
Luke 2:41-52 Every year his parents went to
Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover. When he was twelve years old, they went up to the
Feast, according to the custom. After the Feast was over, while his parents were returning
home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. Thinking he
was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among
their relatives and friends. When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to
look for him. After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the
teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. Everyone who heard him was amazed
at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His
mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have
been anxiously searching for you." "Why were you searching for me?" he
asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" But they did not
understand what he was saying to them. Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was
obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew
in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. (NIV)
You can see from these scriptures that
Jesus went through a period of enforced obedience. "When his parents saw him, they
were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this?
Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you." Enforced obedience was
for the purpose of teaching him what was expected of him. It was the period of enforced
obedience that prepared him for willful obedience. "Why were you searching for
me?" "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" But they did not
understand what he was saying to them. Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was
obedient to them."
To give our children our parental
blessing, we need to limit them as we lead them to a stage of willful obedience. Once
a child enters the teenage years, the need for obedience continues.
Enforced obedience is when we are told
what to do. It is not a period where the child necessarily understands why he/she is being
told what to do. In this stage of life the child must simply learn to do what he/she is
told to do. It is a stage where discipline must be used wisely.
Willful obedience is a stage where,
hopefully, less discipline will be required, as the child has learned the need for
obedience. They willfully obey parents out of respect for parents. At this stage of life
they may or may not understand what they are told, but they willfully obey.
Mutual obedience comes by successfully
navigating through the first two stages of obedience. Mutual obedience is when the child
and the parent understand what is best in a given situation and they mutually submit to
what is required of each.
Most adults that do well with authority
have had good experiences with enforced obedience and willful obedience. When parents
abuse their authority, children will tend to distrust all authority. When parents fail to
enforce obedience the child will grow up without an understanding of the importance of
authority.
As parents, we represent the authority
of God. When children are taught the proper respect for parents, they learn respect for
God. God is the ultimate authority figure. This is why it is important that we model God’s
love and authority in the right way.
Conclusion:
How well we do in leading our children
through each stage of authority will dramatically determine how well they do in the next
stage of obedience. When proper enforced obedience is used, 80% of the time parents will
produce a healthy willful obedience in the child. Willful obedience in youth helps produce
a healthy adult who can exercise authority and mutually submit to authority.
A soul rises or falls on how the first
commandment is kept. A society rises or falls on what we do with the fifth commandment,
for the basic unit of society is the family. If the family falls apart, society will fall
apart.
Last modified:
April 18, 2006