You shall not commit adultery

By Karen S. Peterson and Anthony DeBarros, USA TODAY

The cities with the largest percentage of their population living together outside marriage may surprise you. Tied for top honors, where the largest percentage of residents (3.6%) identify themselves as an "unmarried partner," are Orlando, Fort Lauderdale and Seattle. Close behind with 3.5% are Manchester, N.H., and Rochester, N.Y. The rankings, which include only cities of 100,000 or more, were crunched by USA TODAY from a new wave of Census data released today.

Cohabitation is increasing, Census data confirm

By Karen S. Peterson, USA TODAY

The number of unmarried partners living together increased 72% in the last decade, new Census figures show. The increase includes both same- and opposite-sex couples, although experts think most are opposite-sex live-ins. The numbers increased from 3.2 million unmarried-partner households in 1990 to 5.5 million in 2000.

Today we're looking at the seventh of the Ten Commandments - "You shall not commit adultery." When God gave the sixth commandment "You shall not murder." He was guarding the sanctity of human life. The seventh command "You shall not commit adultery" preserves the sanctity of the highest earthly relationship that exists.

The seventh commandment has led some to believe that all sex is wrong. But a simple understanding of God's creation of man and woman reveals this is not so. I had a person tell me that the eating of the fruit in Eden was really Adam and Eve having sex. That person believed sex was their downfall. A casual reading of God's purpose in creation should wipe this nonsense out of our minds.

Genesis 2:18-25 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (NIV)

If these verses tell us anything, they speak of the innocence of sex in Eden. The Lord was the initiator of marriage by creating the woman and bringing her to the man. Clearly there is a sexual element to his response. The two were naked and not ashamed, and they became "one flesh," a metaphor drawn from the experience of human beings in intercourse.

The energy of sexual attraction brings about an oneness that is profound. Everything is altered by the choice of this relationship initiated and brought about by God. Marriage is a uniting of two people at every level. The choice to marry means a commitment to one whole person for one whole lifetime.

The subjects of sex and sexuality come up many times in the Bible. In fact, Scripture is very frank when addressing the topic of sex. It makes it clear that this is a very important issue which we must understand it correctly.

Adultery, technically speaking, is when a married person is having sexual relations with a person other than his or her spouse - "cheating."

In the New Testament, the concept is broadened and we’re taught that sex between any two people who are not married to each other is fornication - premarital sex, one-night-stands, "shacking up," etc. Both types of sin run rampant in our world today.

Studies reveal that 40 to 50 percent of all married men have had an extramarital affair. One survey pointed out that nearly 70 percent of all married men under the age of forty expect to have an extramarital relationship. Can you believe that! Seventy percent of an entire age group expect to be unfaithful to their wives. Men however are not alone in this. Studies also reveal that 41 percent of married women admit that they have cheated on their husbands.

Maybe you are thinking, "I know it's bad in our secular society, but it is not a problem among Christians." I wish that were true. In a survey of subscribers to "Christianity Today" magazine, 45 percent of the respondents admitted to having committed adultery. Josh McDowell, who has done extensive studies of Christian young people in the area of sexual purity, states that his surveys have revealed that even among young people in evangelical churches in America 43% of them say they have become sexually active before the age of 18.

For the last few weeks as we have studied the first six commandments, we’ve seen how each refutes lies that our culture tries to get us believe in the name of living a full, good life. Believing these popular myths do not lead to more freedom, happiness, or fulfillment.

In reality just the opposite happens -- more misery, pain, bitterness, and tragedy in life. With the seventh commandment, several myths need to be debunked. Our society is saturated with lies about sex that the world tries to convince us are true, but God’s Word is truth and refutes each of these lies.

1. Sex is merely a physical act with no real consequences. Proponents of this view say that sex is merely a biological imperative - solely a function of the evolutionary drive to reproduce. The thought would be, "This is a natural thing. Why fight it? Sex is thought of as a need that must be fulfilled much like satisfying a hunger for food. If this is true, then we might as well have as much sex as we can with as many people as we can. Another thought would be, "Passions are so strong. Why fight it?" When people seek to justify treating sex as just a physical thing, they cite their passion as the reason - "We got caught up in the heat of moment. We couldn't help ourselves. Lust overcame us. We felt like we were really in love. My feelings were real; they couldn't be denied." The underlying presupposition is that the passions and urges were so strong that they absolutely could not be ignored, denied or suppressed. However, this myth – this lie that sex is just a physical, passionate thing – is far from the truth.

What are the errors within this myth? First, to assert that sex is merely a physical act between two people is to reduce people to being mere animals. This is an acceptance of a radical evolutionary point of view. When God is left out of the picture – when we are not considered to be made in the image of God – then this becomes the logical result.

Second, it indicates that a person is simply too lazy to discipline himself. If we buy into the idea that passion should not be ruled, then we have bought into a lifestyle that does not realize the benefits of self-discipline.

Many individuals want an easy road with everything handed to them but this is not the life Christ described. The Christian lifestyle is a life of self-discipline. Jesus said:

"Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" (Luke 9:23-25)

There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.

As written in Scripture "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever - that kind of sex can never "become one" (1 Corinthians 6:15-17, The Message).

Sex in a marriage relationship, bonds two people into "one flesh." Sex bonds husband and wife emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. It "sets" the relationship between husband and wife - that's the purpose of the sexual component of the relationship. So, rather than being merely a physical act with no real consequences; sex joins two people in a unique way.

Buying the lie about sex being nothing more than a physical act brings consequences that are devastating. We readily warn people about the physical consequences of sex: pregnancy and disease. There are also spiritual, emotional, and psychological consequences.

The shows we watch, the movies we see, the books we read and the advertising we're constantly exposed to, all depict the illicit thrill of "supposed" sex with no consequences.

When schoolchildren are given condoms the lie can be reinforced letting them think this will prevent anything bad happening to them. However, God reassures us that "Sex has very real consequences - it is more than just a mere physical act."

The second cultural myth about sex: I have a right to be happy. Some people are dissatisfied and unhappy about their marriage relationship. They think a little extra-marital affair will provide happiness for themselves. The thought is "If my marriage has difficulties, why not look for a better one?" "If I can get on toward a new future, then why not?" "I have a right to be happy, why should God put strict limits on my sexual behavior?"

Consider this letter written to "Dear Abby": Dear Abby: How about a letter from a "winner?" My married lover left his wife for me. I was told that I wasn't breaking up anything; his marriage was dead long before he met me; his wife had gotten fat. I was married too, but I assured him that my marriage was also over; my husband had gotten dull and boring. So I divorced my boring husband and he divorced his chubby wife. Oh, yes, we both had children, but we explained that we were both in love and when they were older they would understand.

Our marriage was a dream come true. No more lying and sneaking around. At long last we were legally man and wife for all the world to see. Our apartment was filled with modern furniture and old-fashioned guilt, and plenty of doubt and mistrust. Two years later he was meeting someone new. I told him he was a liar and a cheat. He said it took one to know one. And by the way, he had gotten a little dull and boring, and I had put on a little weight.

Signed: A Winner. This is the testimony of one who followed the wisdom of the world thinking, "I have a right to be happy!"

Others may be hopeful that an extra-marital relationship will help their marriage to be better.

A few years ago a researcher named Linda Wolfe wrote a book on infidelity in marriage. She interviewed 66 women and found that 21 of them were having affairs to preserve their marriage. Five years later the author checked up on them to see if it worked. Only 3 out of 21 were still married- fully 81% were divorced. ²

God wants us to be happy and he will help us to be happy, but it will be in following His principles for living.

Sex is abused and as a result people feel guilty. Sex is made light of, talked about in the wrong way, used for the wrong reasons, flaunted as if it were as inconsequential as going to the store and buying groceries but it is not dirty. What attaches a sense of guilt, a sense of "dirtiness," to sex is its misuse - not it's proper use.

Let’s consider some facts from scripture: God is pro-sex. We were created to be sexual beings. Physical attraction is part of God’s design. Sex is for pleasure.

And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them….. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him…. He made…. a woman, and He brought her to the man…. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:18-19, 20b, 22, 24-25 NKJV)

The Bible is pro-sex. Consider the Song of Solomon. If you are not familiar with this Old Testament book, take a few minutes to read it. I think you’ll conclude that the Bible is not against sex. In fact, the Apostle Paul says not to deprive each other of sex.

Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:5)

Since God is pro-sex and the Bible is pro-sex, Christians should be pro-sex. False teaching says sex is dirty. Abuse of sex leads to dirty things. Christians have no reason to feel any shame about sex within their marital bonds.

Sex should be completely restricted to the marriage relationship. I realize how much this goes against popular thinking. Sex is for marriage, period. In any other context or relationship, it is more harmful than helpful. Sex is somewhat like fire - it has great power. In the right place and right time, used right way, it is constructive, pleasurable, and wonderful. But outside of its proper boundaries it can cut loose with an amazingly destructive force.

Sex is God's glue for marriage. Sex finalizes and solemnizes the marital relationship. The husband and wife have security with each other. Children feel secure with parents who are faithful to each other.

Marriage is more than just the ultimate friendship - it is a covenant relationship, a "sacred trust." Sex is so intimate, so powerful, that it can only be entrusted to someone you've entered into this sacred trust with.

The truth of the matter is that you can very easily find someone who has engaged in pre-marital or extra-marital sex who deeply regrets it. I have never heard anyone who waited until they were married to have sex say they regretted waiting. I never have heard anyone who ran from a temptation to be unfaithful to their spouse say "I regret remaining faithful."

God's main truth about sex is that sex should be completely restricted to marriage relationship.

3. Make spiritual growth a priority. Allow God to make you a better person spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

4. Carefully follow every Biblical guideline for improving your marriage. Seek practical help from the Bible. Avail yourself to seminars and conferences that will help you to improve your marriage.

One elderly couple was sitting by the fireside and appeared to be enjoying their evening together. The husband, reminiscing, turned to his wife and said, "After 50 years, I found you tried and true." The wife, whose hearing was poor, asked, "What?" He said again, "After 50 years I've found you tried and true." She replied, "After 50 years, I'm tired of you, too."

Adultery starts with the meditations of the heart (Matthew 5:27-28). Lust is not as innocent as many like to think (Job 31:1, 9). It is in the mind where the battle for purity is fought.

David Hoke says, "God confines it the marriage relationship in order to protect us. Obviously, by doing so we are protected from the many diseases that abound in our society today. We are also protected from unwanted pregnancies, where there is no commitment on the part of the would-be parents. We are protected from the emotional pain, the loss of self-esteem, and the feeling of having cheapened ourselves. We are also protected from the unwanted memories that will surface in the future.

I was always told that if you play around the creek bank long enough, you're sure to slide in. We are not just protecting ourselves, we are protecting our relationship with our mate or future mate, if we are not married. We are protecting our families. We are protecting our relationship with God. We are protecting that other person. We are protecting their mate, their family, and their relationship with God. We must be careful in this point.

Jesus' words about gouging out your eye, or cutting off your hand if you sin by these body members are not to be taken literally. But Jesus vividly expresses just how dangerous sexual sin is. Sexual sin needs be avoided at all costs.

However, many people fail to remain sexually pure. Some are so overcome by the guilt of a past sexual sin that they even sabotage their lives, or think that God will ruin their lives because of sin in this area.

God is a God of forgiveness. He has the ability to forgive, to have our sins wiped from our record and come into a right relationship with Him. This is true even though we’ve done some terrible things. The Ten Commandments have no ability to give us the power to keep them much less have the power to purify us before the Living God. Our salvation is not through following the Ten Commandments nor are we condemned by our failure to follow them.

The forgiveness of God comes through His Son, Jesus Christ. Again we to back to the words of John:

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. "He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God." (John 3:16, 18)

God's commandments are wisdom for us - we're wise if we follow them, including this commandment to not misuse sex. If we're married, we need to strive to remain faithful in thought and deed. If we're single, we need to work hard at remaining pure for our own good. If we've failed in this area in the past, we need to repent, to seek God's forgiveness, to see the wisdom of God for us and pledge to do better in future.

It all boils down to this: Sex has been given to us by God to strengthen that type of commitment to our spouse. Any use of sex that does not do that is a misuse of sex.

The Sacredness of Marriage

It is against the backdrop of Israel’s history as described in Genesis that the seventh commandment is given to the Israelites: "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus. 20:14; Deuteronomy 5:18). The Pentateuch provides us with information concerning sexual sins, and the various forms of punishment required by each.

God has always view sexed outside of marriage as sin. The life of Joseph reveals this truth.

Genesis 39:7-10 And it came about after these events that his master’s wife looked with desire at Joseph, and she said, "Lie with me." But he refused and said to his master’s wife, "Behold, with me around, my master does not concern himself with anything in the house, and he has put all that he owns in my charge. There is no one greater in this house than I, and he has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do this great evil, and sin against God?" And it came about as she spoke to Joseph day after day, that he did not listen to her to lie beside her, or be with her.

Joseph knew he could not lie with this woman because she was the wife of another man.

Marriage, in Joseph’s understanding, was an exclusive relationship. Not only did his master not give him authority over his wife, he could not have done so.

We can see by Joseph’s words that adultery was not only wrong, but that he understood it to be a sin against God.

The Bible points out as early as Genesis that to use another person solely as an object of your pleasure is a serious sin.

Genesis 38:8-10 Then Judah said to Onan, "Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother." But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also. (NIV)

Can you image how used this woman felt. This is also what happens in the world today as sex is used as pleasure outside of marriage. There is little wonder that there is friction between sexes. Each has used the other as an object of pleasure and both feel used by the other.

A man who seduces a virgin must marry her or pay the price of a virgin’s dowry.

Exodus 22:16-17 "If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins. (NIV)

The New Testament Teaching

1 Timothy 4:1-6 The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer. If you point these things out to the brothers, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, brought up in the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed. (NIV)

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)

2. Jesus gives us insight to God's original intent for the permanence of marriage.

Matthew 19:4-5 "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? (NIV)

Matthew 5:27-32 You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. (NIV)

James 1:13-15 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. (NIV)

4. The New Testament indicates that sex within the marriage relationship is for pleasure as well as procreation.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (NIV)

The Gravity of Adultery

Jeremiah 5:7-9 "Why should I forgive you? Your children have forsaken me and sworn by gods that are not gods. I supplied all their needs, yet they committed adultery and thronged to the houses of prostitutes. They are well-fed, lusty stallions, each neighing for another man's wife. Should I not punish them for this?" declares the LORD. "Should I not avenge myself on such a nation as this? (NIV)

Matthew 19:3-9 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (NIV)

Romans 1:22-32 Although they claimed to be wise, they became foolsand exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator-- who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them. (NIV)

The first thing that is mentioned in these verses is that the world of which Paul speaks has taken God out of the picture.

You see, without God in the picture, adultery, and all sexual perversion becomes justifiable. When we take God out of the picture we become nothing more than animals as we accept the theory of the survival of the fittest.

Our society has been deeply influenced by a scientific view of reality. It has been influenced by the scientific presuppositions of an a-moral evolution of biology. Those who adopt evolution have difficulty with this command about adultery. It unnecessarily limits the evolution of the species. Dr. Helen Fisher in her book Anatomy of Love: The Mysteries of Mating, Marriage and Why we Stray gives this somewhat evolutionary definition of why people commit adultery. Men do it "to ensure a widespread dissemination of their genetic material" and women do it as "an alternative strategy for the acquisition of resources to support herself and her young ones."

Ephesians 5:21-33 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NIV)

Paul says, "All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

Adultery can cause complete mental, physical and emotional breakdown. Our spiritual usefulness can be ruined. The balance of soul and spirit and body is destroyed.

Proverbs 6:27-35 Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. Men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his hunger when he is starving. Yet if he is caught, he must pay sevenfold, though it costs him all the wealth of his house. But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away; for jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. He will not accept any compensation; he will refuse the bribe, however great it is. (NIV)

1 Corinthians 6:13-20 Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"-- but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. (NIV)

The church must not allow the body of Christ to be joined to a harlot. The church can become a partaker of sexual immorality if the church tolerates sexual immorality on the part of the members.

1 Corinthians 5:1-7 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans: A man has his father's wife. And you are proud! Shouldn't you rather have been filled with grief and have put out of your fellowship the man who did this? Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. And I have already passed judgment on the one who did this, just as if I were present. When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord. Your boasting is not good. Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast-- as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. (NIV)

The history of western religion is a dramatic chronicle of conflict between the sexual and spiritual sides of human nature." Augustine of Hippo, an early church theologian, believed that sex was the vehicle for transmitting original sin, and therefore corrupt even between two people married to each other. Pope Gregory I believed that "sexual pleasure can never be without sin." Pleasure was out of the question. There was a period where the Catholic Church forbade sex on Saturdays, Wednesdays and Fridays as well as the forty-day fast periods before Easter and Christmas. One historian calculated that when you added feast days and days of female impurity that only forty-four days a year were left for marital sex.

Why have the subjects of God and sex been so difficult for the church to embrace? The way we think shouldn't surprise us, because most of us learned about the mystery of sex in all the wrong places. We learned it everywhere but at church. Therefore, our orientation to sex is totally carnal. What makes it more difficult today is that those who have no idea of who God is are trying to define sexuality for the majority of the world.

I think that it is a little ironic when you open your Bible to the first book of the Bible sex is mentioned by the time you get to the twenty-eighth verse. God says to man and woman, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth . . ." (Genesis 1:28) In the second chapter, God says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame" (Genesis 2:24-25).

Everyone is a sexual being. The way we see ourselves, our interactions with other people, and even our relationship with God are all affected by whether we are men or women. Our sexuality goes beyond just sex--it is about relationships. It is a basic ingredient in God's purpose for creating us.

The concept of "one flesh" is that of two people becoming one in mind, body and soul. There is no division between that which is physical, that which is spiritual and that which is sexual. The body, mind and soul of two people are brought together to form one entity. That was the nature and purpose of male and female design in creation.

Satan Seeks to Destroy Oneness

Within the first three chapters of Genesis we see Satan's attack is against the very nature of our created being. He sought to destroy the one flesh union.

Genesis 3:4-10 "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." (NIV)

Whatever happened in Eden tainted that first couples mind so that they could no longer only see the purity of their relationship. Sadly, it still taints our minds. Satan knows that a world divided against itself will self-destruct. What better way to divide our world than to destroy the oneness of man and woman? What better way to divide us than to make each of us ashamed of how God made us?

The seventh commandment was given to protect the one flesh union of man and woman. "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:13). Jesus said, "Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Matthew 19:4-6 NIV)

Doing the right thing is a matter of trusting the right Person. Every day we make choices about whom we are going to trust. Do we go along with the opinions of ungodly people who walk "in the futility of their mind "? Or do we live as Christ taught us to live, in "righteousness and true holiness "?

An article in a national magazine quoted a sociologist who has concluded, on the basis of interviews done with 800 married men, that infidelity can be good for a marriage. To buy that conclusion would be to walk as the world walks, trusting man more than God. But God didn't leave any room for guesswork on this subject. He said, "You shall not commit adultery."

Whom do we trust? One researcher, who asked 800 married men what they think? Or God, who created us, instituted marriage, and knows what is best for us?

Darwin explored how natural selection might have affected physical development. Evolutionary psychology explores how it might influence social behavior. Darwin saw the goal of natural selection as survival. Evolutionary psychologists posit that the goal of natural selection is propagation.

What is the ultimate purpose of life? According to evolutionary psychologists, it's getting our genes into the next generation. Consider how this theory impacts sexual behavior. As long as men are getting women pregnant, they are winners. "It is to their genetic advantage to impregnate as many females as possible during their lifetime."

This puts men at odds with women, for women fare best in a framework of monogamy and romantic love. For the woman to win, the man must stick around and share responsibility for his wife and children. This is what the seventh commandment is all about.

It should come as no surprise that a world pitied against the very nature of its design would naturally be divided. When we deny God we become our own gods and what better way to worship oneself than to have sex with others for our own selfish purposes. What better to worship oneself than to have sex with ones own gender.

Have you noticed the anger between the sexes today? Each feels that each is being deprived of something by the other. Their deprivation is obvious; they are missing something. They are missing the fundamental purpose for which they were created---to become one with each other in marriage for life.

The battle of the sexes reveals that each believes the other sex has deprived them in some way. The cry in the battle of the sexes is that the opposite sex owes me something. This belief exists because each has stressed their desire to be a whole person without the help of the other. Sadly that vacuum in their lives will not be filled until each sees his/her need for the other to make each of them whole. The cry of sexism today is really recognition that one cannot be whole without the other. If male and female could be whole without the other, why does each feel that they need what they feel the other owes them?

A young woman said that she and her boyfriend loved each other and that sex for her, even outside of the marriage covenant, was a natural expression of their love. A year later, she was calling the suicide hot line, cut to her soul by her boyfriend's betrayal.

A middle-aged man, going through a mid-life crisis, justified his one-time fling as "necessary." It was something about renewal and self-esteem. He ended up losing his wife, his family, and his reputation. What remained was guilt and shame.

How many have opted for sexual promiscuity and ended up with sexually transmitted diseases.

Sex is a powerful tool given to us for the purpose of becoming one flesh. It is no less powerful when it is abused. We have seen and are seeing the capability of its powerful destructive force as we seek to use sex as a no fault non-binding uncomplicated recreational pastime. How many times have we seen the physical, emotional and spiritual damage of sex outside of marriage? Society is picking up the tab of the anger engendered by the abuse.

Those who have opted to see sex as purely physical often see themselves as victims, because they have refused to accept the personal guilt for their deeds. Seeing themselves as victims leaves them powerless as they refuse to accept the personal responsibility of choice.

Marriage Is God's Design for Sexuality

"A number of years ago Phyllis George interviewed Dallas Cowboy superstar Roger Staubach. It is was typical, dull sort of interview until Phyllis blindsided the quarterback with this question: 'Roger, how do you feel when you compare yourself with Joe Namath, who is so sexually active and has a different woman on his arm every time we see him?'

"'Phyllis,' he said calmly, 'I'm sure I'm just as sexually active as Joe. The difference is that all of mine is with one woman.'"

1 Corinthians 7:2-5 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (NIV)

Nowhere in the New Testament, perhaps in the entire Bible is there such a concise statement about the nature and purpose of marriage.

Christians in the city of Corinth lived in a very immoral society. There was a temple there built to worship Aphrodite the fertility god. Adultery and fornication were commonplace in that temple and throughout the city. Paul was reminding them that marriage was designed to prevent immorality . . . " But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband."

God designed our sexuality, it is an almost endless aching need, but God designed marriage and only marriage to fill that need. Paul writes, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent . . ."

You must give attention to meeting your partner’s sexual needs so completely that there will be no desire to look elsewhere. If we love our mate, we should desire to fulfill him or her sexually. We must, with great sensitivity, and much communication, attempt to ascertain the legitimate sexual needs of our mates. And, at the same time, we must be willing to give of ourselves in order to meet those needs.

This requires great sensitivity and understanding, but the effort is worth it. Solomon says, "Be happy with the wife you married when you were young. She gives you joy, as your fountain gives you water. She is as lovely and graceful as a deer. Let her love always make you happy; let her love always hold you captive." (Proverbs 5:18-19)

Proverbs 6:32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. (NIV)

Paul writes, "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." Our sexuality necessitates an outlet . . . marriage is the only outlet.

The philosophy of sexual expression today is developed around the idea of scoring points for ourselves. It revolves around getting sex. It is usually disconnected from commitment, sacrifice, spirituality and lifelong love. Intimacy on a good day last about twenty-five minutes.

However, God's concept of sexuality is giving rather than receiving. Paul says, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife."Paul speaks of sexuality in marriage as something that each person in that union owes the other. In marriage each person belongs to the other because each makes the other complete.

We speak of sex as kinky, obsessive, ecstatic, destructive and fulfilling. But what it isn't and can never be is casual. Sexuality is an expression of self as the mind, body and soul fuse with another person to become one for life. There is no way we can fuse ourselves with another person casually. Sex entered into casually damages self-esteem and robs us of the joy of purpose. Ultimately the immorality of sexual deviancy is more far reaching than illicit sex as it leaves individuals bitter and hurt.

Sex and the Church

There is no way that you can understand your sexuality apart from faith in God. "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." The need to express our sexuality makes us vulnerable to Satan's schemes to meet our needs in unholy ways.

The Corinthians were reminded of the gravity of sexual immorality as Paul reminds them of the temporal and eternal consequences.

1 Corinthians 6:9-15 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. "Everything is permissible for me"-- but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"-- but I will not be mastered by anything. "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"-- but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! (NIV)

How we express our sexuality involves Christ church very deeply: "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute?" Sex can't be casual when you realize that you are uniting Christ body with a prostitute.

1 Corinthians 6:15-20 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. (NIV)

Ephesians 5:25-33 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery-- but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NIV)

Honoring God with our bodies begins in the mind. Jesus gets to the heart of the matter.

Matthew 5:27-28 "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (NIV)

Sin begins long before it is acted out. James says, "But every man is tempted when he is draw away of his own lust, and enticed then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death" (James 1:14-15). Notice the progression of temptation: Lust first begins in our minds; sin is the action based upon our thoughts; death is the result.

Sin will always take you farther than you meant to go . . . keep you longer than you want to stay . . . and cost you more than you want to pay!

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (NIV)

Matthew 15:18-20 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man 'unclean'; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him 'unclean.'" (NIV)

Matthew 22:37 Jesus replied: "`Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' (NIV)

It is obvious that Satan through mass media is engaged in a battle for our minds. Notice how most all television and movie programming is geared to challenge the way we think about our sexuality. It always conflicts with God's design. There are very few shows that do not advocate homosexual unions in one form or another. This is not accidental. Mass media is determined to reprogram how we think in an effort to change our behavior.

"Just as fire only brings warmth when contained in the fireplace, and devastation when allowed to burn where it chooses, sex that is not contained in marriage brings devastation to individuals, families, and communities.

"How can we promote the higher purpose of sex?

"First, we can teach our young men that the essence of manhood is not their ability to be morally loose with many women, but rather to be faithful for a lifetime with one.

"Second, we can teach each of our daughters that if a man really loves her, he will protect and respect her purity, rather than disregard and abuse it. We can also teach them that virginity is an honor, and not an embarrassment." (Tony Evans in Urban Family, Spr 1994)

"Our sex-obsessed society screams that the key to happiness is finding sexual fulfillment, that personal pleasure is the primary purpose of sex, and that everyone has a right to sex. Even though numerous Christian books, counselors, programs, and preachers are presenting a biblical perspective on sexuality, many believers are guilt-ridden because of past sexual experiences or present temptations they just can't handle. In order to be able to withstand the deceptions projected by the culture and get beyond our own brokenness, we must allow God's Word to sensitize us to His purpose for our sexuality.

"The human body and sexuality were designed by God and are therefore good. Some Christians miss what God wants to say to them about sexuality because of a vague feeling that He does not approve of it, but He created it and says it is good.

"God intended that there be openness and intimacy in our sexual expressions in marriage.

"Our sexuality is not just physical but is an integral part of who we are. That is why reducing it to mere physical acts is always depersonalizing.

"According to God's design, sex belongs within a permanent relationship. Sexuality has more to do with partnership and companionship at the deepest levels than with a merely biological act.

"Christians need to hear God's voice through His Word and to come to Christ daily with our guilt and temptations. He promises to restore our purity. That restoration happens through fidelity. Building and maintaining faithfulness in marriage is the foundation of all biblical sexual ethics. Allowing God to control our sexuality is a process that will continue throughout our lives and will require both self- discipline and help from others." ("What Dr. Ruth couldn't tell you" by Stephen Hayner. Discipleship Journal, Jul/Aug 1991 [#64]. Pages 22-25.)