"Christ In The Home: God’s Plan For His Family” Series
#14 ”How to Live With an Unbelieving Mate”
What your partner believes about religion will have a vital influence on your marriage. Doctrines are not cold, lifeless, insignificant ideas. They have very practical consequences. For example, consider these questions?
Who is God?
What one believes about God determines whether the ordinary daily decisions of your marriage will be subjected to God's will or not.
What is the Bible?
Is the Bible the Word of God or not? What you both believe about the Bible will determine whether it will be read daily in your home, privately, and to your children; and whether it will be used to give guidance to all the activities in which you engage.
Will you be able to clasp hands as husband and wife and pray together to God, giving thanks for His blessings, and making petition for His help? Can you pray together when the baby is sick, when the husband is without a job, when you are overwhelmed by indecision, or when death is a fact? What both of you believe about prayer becomes very important.
How do you regard Sunday?
Is it a day of worship and church activities? Will you have to carry the full load of getting the children a religious education -- all by yourself? As a wife, are you willing to do this while your husband spends his weekends on the lake, on the golf course, or in bed? As a husband, are you prepared to teach your children about God, Christ, the Bible, His church, without any help from your wife? Will it be done?
What do you think about stewardship?
What do both of you think about the Biblical command, "Upon the first day of the week, let everyone of you lay by him in store as God has prospered him?" This will determine the way you allocate your money? It will determine whether there will be feelings of guilt, conflict, and hostility when you give to the Lord's work, or fail to give will you be able to give to the church according to a pattern that you both willingly accept?
What About Your Mutual Friends?
Who will they be? Will they be people who will have different standards from yours? Will you enjoy their association?
WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN TO YOUR OWN RELIGIOUS FAITH IF YOU MARRY SOMEONE WHO IS NOT A CHRISTIAN? One of four things can result:
1. You may lead your mate to become New Testament Christian.
Without doubt, you will be his best hope. But it will be difficult if he is not a Christian before you are married. A survey conducted of nearly 2,000 Christians who married out of the church indicated that only about half of them were ever successful in converting their mates. And then, it often took many years.
2. You may continue in your divided state.
According to the same survey, this happens to one-third of the time. In this kind of condition, many of the questions listed above become crisis points in one's marriage, and the children are constantly pulled in different directions.
3. Both you and your mate will drop out of both churches.
Authorities report that this happens about 50% of the time in Catholic-Protestant marriages. When the husband and wife are of different beliefs, they tend to pull against each other and lose all interest in religion.
4. You will be led away from the Lord's church, with you either be- ~ coming a member of his/her church, or both of you will compromise and become part of a third church.
This seems to occur in approximately 10% of the cases. "What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world, but lose his own soul?" (Mark 8:36) .In the history of the church, it has never been uncommon to find Christian women married to unbelieving husbands. The phenomenon is certainly not new. In the days of Christ's earthly ministry women remained at the cross, when men fled.
A strange situation exists in society today. We have more readily available information about sex and marriage than ever before -- yet we have more marital problems and divorces than ever before. Obviously something is wrong. It is not sufficient to say that God is needed in these homes, because even many Christian marriages are falling apart.
The fact that a man and a woman are both Christians is no guarantee that their marriage will succeed. Marriage is something that we have to work at; success is not automatic. And when one marriage partner is not a Christian, that can make matters even more difficult.
What Peter tells us in these verses is that no matter what your marital status may be, you can learn the essentials for a happy and successful marriage!
The third chapter of 1 Peter is a very interesting one. It continues admonitions already begun, but offers it to different family groups, giving advice to wives and husbands. Peter then follows it with encouragement for right conduct in the lives of all Christians.
1 Peter 3:1: "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands. . ." The phrase "in the same way" refers us back to Peter's discussion of the example of Jesus Christ (2:21-25). Just as Jesus was submissive and obedient to God's will, so a Christian husband and wife should follow His example.
Twice in this paragraph Peter reminded Christian wives that they were to be submissive to their husbands (vs. 1, 5). The word translated "subjection" is a military term that means "to place under rank."
God has a place for everything; He has ordained various levels of authority (see 1 Peter 2:13014). It is the general teaching of the Bible that the husband is the head of the wife (1 Tim. 11:3). This is God's order of creation (1 Tim. 2:13), and it was reaffirmed r":'" in the penalty following the fall: Genesis.3:16 "To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
While submission is an obligation of the Christian wife, it is also an opportunity. God not only commands submission, but He uses it as a powerful spiritual influence in a home!
The subjection of wives to husbands is to apply to those whose husbands are not Christians as well as to others: "so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives."
Some women are married to men so prejudices that they will not even listen to the preaching of the gospel message. They may be won, however, in some instances without a word being spoken, if the women live inn the proper way before them!
This does not mean that the Christian woman "gives in" to her unsaved husband in order to subtly manipulate him and get him to do what he desires. This kind of selfish psychological persuasion ought never to be found in a Christian's heart or home.
An unsaved husband will not be converted by preaching or nagging in the home. Wives who "preach" at their husbands only drive them farther from the Lord. But she can influence him greatly! How does this happen? "...when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."
Not only is submission an obligation and an opportunity ...it is also an ornament. This proper conduct includes not only the subjection mentioned, but chaste behavior and modest dress. There are times when it is better to let people see Christianity lived without being beseiged with words (preaching or otherwise).
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. {4} Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
The right conduct is to be backed up by modesty in personal dress and manner. Peter is not forbidding any of the things absolutely. If he were, it would be wrong for women to wear clothes at all, for Peter forbids the adornment to be the wearing of "fine clothes."
The point? Peter warned the Christian wife not to major on external decorations but on internal character. These things are not to be emphasized in such a way as to be vain displays and to call undue attention to the woman!
Roman women were captivated by the latest fashions of the day, and competed with each other in dress and hairdos. It was not unusual for the women to have elaborate coiffures, studded with gold and silver combs and even jewels. They wore elaborate and expensive garments, all for the purpose of impressing each other.
“For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, {6} like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”
Peter likely had in mind the whole range of godly women in the Old Testament. They were holy wives: that is, wives dedicated or consecrated to God rather than to worldly wives. They had their hopes set on God. What they devoutly wished for and worked to attain had its frame of reference in God and His ways. Such women, Peter says, practiced the quiet and meek submission which he is admonishing.
Sarah is singled out among the great women of old as an example of this kind of adornment. Doing good and not fearing are thus the right results in their lives as Sarah's children.
Peter gives ALL Christians an eternal principle when it comes to dealing with those around us with whom do not agree. It's found in often misquoted and misused verses: 1 Peter 3:15-16: “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord."
Christ must live in our hearts and He must hold the place of Lord! He is in charge...He decides what, where, and how we go. The Greek word for "set apart" is also translated "sanctify."
2. "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to , give the reason for the hope that you have."
When Christ is first in our life, people will notice. They will see us respond in difficult situations with the joy of Christ and they will see the hope of heaven that is also part of our life. They will ask us about it ... and we need to be ready to give the answer/reasons for this hope.
3. "But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." .
This verse is the part that is often misused and misquoted. When Christ is first, and people ask us why we are who we are, we must always respect that other person and use gentleness in dealing with him/her!
These verses do not give Christians the right to be rude or crude to those around them. Our actions should be matched by our words, and good will come from it...and Christ will not be slandered by our behavior.