The Husband and Father in the Home

"Christ In The Home: God’s Plan For His Family” Series

#7 “The Husband and Father in the Home”

Poets and other writers have been generous in heaping praise and adulation upon mothers. This is as it should be, for a godly mother cannot be given too much praise.

But fathers have received far fewer eulogies and have not been given the public honor and attention which their position and work deserve. This is probably due to the basic differences in male and female character. Whereas mothers are usually gentle, tearful, tender and introspective in spirit, fathers are generally stern, ready to fight the battles of life and to take disappointments without a word or a tear.

Some have therefore judged fathers to be hard, unspiritual creatures who are devoid of feeling. This is an unjustified judgment! A father is not inferior to a mother; he is simply different. Remember that when God selected a figure to impress us with his love for his wayward children,
he chose the figure of a father and his child. This, of course, is a reference to the father in the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).

The father's role in making a home successful and happy is equally as important as the mother's -- although vastly different in some respects. As in every other marriage relationship, husband and wife are complementary to each other. Each parent contributes his special abilities in such a way as to reinforce and strengthen the other.

Fathers, 100% of the responsibilities of parenthood are yours! The souls of your precious children depend upon you for proper guidance. We need to get all information and counsel concerning the role of a father that we can possibly come by.

And, since parenthood is a spiritual responsibility, we especially need to study the Bible for the information contained in its sacred pages relative to the responsibilities of a Christian Father/Husband.

THE ROLE OF A CHRISTIAN FATHER\HUSBAND
1. The Christian father\husband is to show himself a man.
When he was a child it was proper for him to act as a child. When he was immature he was not expected to function in the framework of maturity.However, with the coming of marriage and home responsibilities he isexpected to act like a man.

Marriage is no place for two mates to behave like children! Children need adults to take care of their shelter, food, clothing, medical needs, and educational requirements. This is no realm for the immature who would care less about meeting this week's grocery bill or from where money for
monthly bills and the rent will come. Being a husband and father demands maturity in men.

2. To Lead (not to boss).

The husband should be a dominant figure in the life of his family, even though he should not be dominating. He should be a leader without being a dictator. He should be the…head of the home, while carefully preserving the equal rights and privileges of the wife. He should be the decision-maker, after careful and thorough consultation and agreement with his partner.

Without these basic characteristics, it is extremely doubtful whether any man can fulfill the role of husband. – Alexander Schneiders..in Marital Counseling.

The husband should assume the leadership role, not just proclaim it! The husband should have or develop the capacity to lead by model more than mouth. A study found a close tie between violence and the method a couple uses for making decisions. If the husband makes almost all decisions, he is far more likely to hit his wife or be hit by her. Between husbands and wives who share the decision making, there is almost no violence. From Violence in the Family by Murray A. Straus, Richard Gelles, and Suzanne K. Steinmetz.

Most husbands/fathers don’t realize their homes have problems. 83% of the wives say their marriage could be improved while only 53% of their husbands agree that their marriage could be improved.

Major problems are caused by dominating husbands. The wife may respond with clinical depression, reaction formation, or apathy.

This husband’s response can be termed “homoclite” or sociopath. “A ‘homoclite’ believes that (he) has the correct or normal set of emotional responses and anyone who reacts differently is incorrect, abnormal,…or defective. Since he permits no independent emotional reactions, he can drive someone who takes him seriously quite mad. However, since he seems so secure, correct, and normal, he attracts people who doubt themselves and feel security in his supposed strength. They attract themselves to him and grow increasingly insecure as they find themselves reacting ‘incorrectly’ to life’s events. ‘Homoclites’ may sound paranoid or appear obsessive-compulsive, but they are totally comfortable and find it unfortunate that everyone close to them sinks into a state of dithering despair. ‘Homoclites’ make disastrous spouses, parents, friends, bosses, and therapists.” From Turning Points by Frank Pittman.

Healing for this problem? Husbands: listen, see and show a willingness to change. Wives: become more assertive (not aggressive).

PRINCIPLES OF ASSUMED VERSES PROCLAIMED LEADERSHIP:
Proclaimed Leadership                                              Assumed Leadership
gives orders without asking                                          asks questions, seeks to truly hear,
questions, without permitting questions                                   suggests alternatives

makes demands, dishes out directions;                                    respects freedom and dignity of others,
lays down the law, is defensive if                                can affirm the truth clearly and concretely

challenged but non-defensively

requires compliance regardless of                                values willing cooperation, works for
consent or agreement;                                                  open agreement and understanding;

pushes and manipulates; one man                               leads, attracts, persuades personal relationships rule in over-under position                                                in side-by-side identification;

says "You do, you must do,                                         says "Come, let's do, we might have done,

you ought to have done; can we try?”

you'd better do"

depends on his own external generates acceptance, cooperation, and

authority to motivate others; reconciliation;

separates and isolates people. unites and helps persons relate to each other

God gave woman the privilege of making important choices.

Eve could choose to eat of the forbidden fruit (Gen. 3:1-6).
Rebekah could choose to become Isaac’s wife (Gen. 24:8).

When a man forces a wife to do his will, he denies her the responsibility of making her own choices. Adam was wrong to blame Eve because he ate the fruit (Gen. 3:12). Amnon was wrong to force Tamar to commit fornication with him (2 Sam. 13:1-15).

Biblical Leadership

Moses: gentle, meek (Num. 12:10; 16:33).
Godhead: mutual submission. Was Jesus any less God because He said: “not my will but thine” while he was on earth?
Christ ‘ruled’ from the position of the servant (Matt. 20:25-28). He washed the feet of the disciples as a “doulos” (John 13).

- Ephesians 5:21 – mutual submission

- Eph. 5:23 – “gave himself up”

- Ep. 5:25 – “gave himself up”

- Phil. 2:3-4 – “do nothing for selfishness”

- Luke 22:24-27 – “not to be served but to serve”

- Gal. 5:13 – called in freedom…to serve through love

RULER SERVANT

Is Served Serves

Wants his will done Does will of others

Takes Gives

Is placed on a pedestal Inconspicuous

But submission comes only to the totally submitted:

- to God (Phil. 2:5)

- to government (Rom. 13)

- to employer (Eph. 6:5).

The authority the husband is not his. It comes from God. It is a gift. He must be a good steward.

Wives complaints about their husbands’ leadership fall in three categories:

stubborn
proud
refuses to read, to learn, to grow

Other scriptures speak here:
Genesis 3:16 "To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.""

1 Corinthians 11:1-3: "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the teachings, just as I passed them on to you. Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man,
and the head of Christ is God."

Ephesians 5:23 "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."

Every institution must have a head who is responsible for its efficient management. The home is no exception to this rule.

Christ's authority in the home is centered in the husband. It is not centered in the wife or in the children. God deposited His authority for the family primarily in the husband. It is his responsibility to see that it is exercised, and exercised properly in ways that honor Christ. They
must truly lead the home.

God's heavenly pattern has placed man in the position of head of his family. But some men have seemingly assumed that "head of the house" is a mere honorary title which involves no responsibility. Not so! Headship means leadership. It does not mean merely privilege and right...or rank. It does not mean merely authority to exercise.

In a real sense, nothing must go on in his home of which he is not aware. Nothing should happen to his children over which he does not have surveillance and, indeed, the final say. If trouble arises, it is the husband's responsibility to solved it. He is the leader! He must assume this leadership role, not just proclaim it.

Wives must be willing to grant the husband his proper authority (Titus 2:5: "...to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.")

This leadership does not mean the crushing of a wife's talents and gifts. It does not mean making all of the decisions without reference to her or the children, or giving to her no power to make decisions or to do anything on her own. When a man forces his wife to do his will, he denies
her the responsibility of making her own choices.

The ruler is served…wants his will done…takes…is placed on a pedestal. The servant serves…does will of others…gives…inconspicious. The authority the husband has is not his…it comes from God…it is a gift. We must be good stewards. A good manager knows how to put other people to work!

3. The Christian Father-Husband Loves and Cares For His Family
What do we teach about how to love? It comes from Paul and Ephesians 5, with Christ as the model. Husbands are to love their wives "even as Christ also loves the church" (Eph. 5:25).

In this important text dealing with relationships, we have seven "as" statements which serve as models for us:
"as" the Lord                            "as" Christ is the head
"as" the church is subject         "as" Christ loved the church
"as" their own bodies               "as" Christ does the church
"as" himself

The love and headship of Jesus Christ, in contrast to the faulty obedience of His people to Him, is perfect. It is always proper, wise, and right.

There has never been a single incident involving Christ and His relationship to the church that would cause his love for her to be called into question. To be quite honest, the task is too great for sinful, weak human beings. We simply cannot duplicate Christ upon this earth! .... unless the Spirit of God is allowed to work in the life of that individual.

When we fail as human beings, by the Spirit's help, we not only fail our families, but we also fail represent our Lord's love for His church!

Loving others is a teaching process compared to a feeling. “We must understand love. We must be able to teach it, to create it, to predict it, or else the world is lost to hostility and suspicion.” From Motivation and Personality, by Abraham Maslow.

A child does automatically know how to love…unless we teach our children how to love.” From The Human Mind, by Karl Menninger.

Marital love is like a seesaw – each making up the other’s lows. Love is an action, a decision, a choice, a commitment. “It is easier to act yourself into a better way of feeling than to feel yourself into a better way of acting.” – O. Hobard Mowrer.

A Christian husband and father is never untrustworthy with his sincere affection. His expressions of love may not be as emotional or romantic as those of a wife and mother, but his love is stble and secure. The security which comes to a wife and children who know the depth of this man's love must be a foretaste of heaven.

Many children are emotionally starved for the affection of their fathers. This is especially true of little boys, who need time with their dads. No man can excuse himself from doing his part in the rearing of his children. One of the primary expressions of a father's love for his family is his willingness to work hard to provide for his family. One of the most revolting sights under heaven is the sight of a lazy, worthless man who refuses to provide for his own family!

Paul had this to say about this individual: "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8).

But some have suggested that equally repulsive as this is the man who is selfish with the money he makes. He uses the bulk of his money to have his own good time and forces his family to do without many things they really need. The Christian father-husband works hard to provide for his
family and is generous in providing for their needs. And, whenever possible, he finds great happiness in being able to give "little extras" to the family he loves so much.
The headship of Jesus Christ involves a deep concern for the church. That is the kind of leadership that husbands are called to exercise over their wives. It is a headship that ministers to the wife, a headship that is concerned about her. It is a headship of love that is oriented toward doing all that one can do for his wife, even to the point of death!

When men look at other women

In an article on “Married Loved in Jewish Laws” by Dr. Leo Jung: “Rabbi Akiba held that if a man found another woman more beautiful than his own wife, he could divorce her. The profundity of this statement may not be immediately apparent. Unless a Jewish husband felt from the day of the wedding and beyond the Diamond Anniversary that his wife remained the most beautiful woman on earth, he should grant her a divorce, for he no longer deserves her. Curiously enough, this is echoed by Robert Igersoll: “The essence of our attitude toward woman is that when we have married her she must remail the most beautiful creature now and forever.”

(Proverbs 5:15-23) "Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. {16} Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? {17} Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. {18} May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. {19} A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. {20} Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife? {21} For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths. {22} The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. {23} He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly."

c.
4. The Christian Father-Husband is a Worthy Example to his family.
It should go without saying that a father who is a Christian is honest, wholesome, and godly in the presence of his children. It is his responsibility to provide opportunities for family worship and Bible study. And they should see him involved in these individual items and also involved in the congregation.

The greatest gift we can give our children is a godly example to follow. When we stand before God in judgment, how we raised our children will be on the list! An example is a very powerful thing. A good example has the power to make us seek its emulation. A poor example has the power to warn
us from a downward and wicked course of life that will end in certain sorrow and sure destruction.

If the father does not set this example in regard to spiritual things, it projects one evil thing: it says to children that church or "religion" is largely for women...they learn that men can do without it. They learn that Christianity is not a very manly religion.

5. The Christian father-husband is to live considerately with his wife.
As is always the case, scripture seems to cover just about everything on important subjects we need to maintain relationships as God wants for us. One scripture comes from 1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

The word "considerate" means "to understand, investigative insight, sensitive." It means, quite frankly, that we must study our wives and get to know them. What does she need? What makes her happy? What makes her nervous? What makes her relaxed?

In his book What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women, Dr. James Dobson gives us a list of things which depress our wives:
low self-esteem fatigue and time pressure

loneliness and isolation absence of romantic love

financial difficulties, sex problems problems with the children, aging

menstrual, physiological problems

What does all this mean? We need to avoid cruelty and crudeness. We need to be sure that we recognize her attempts to please us. We must be considerate of her thoughts, ideas, and feelings.

(1 Samuel 1:8) "Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?""

Practically

Hug and kiss your wife every morning, tell her you love her
Show courtesy (“love in trifles”). 47% of the wives say their husbands omit courtesy
Call her during the day at least once to see how her day is going
After work, call her and let her know you’re leaving work for home so she’ll know when to expect you
Praise her often..show that you “adore this person with whom you’re spending the rest of your life
Bring her flowers/candy once in a while as a surprise (be sure to include a card that expresses your love for her)
Be gentle, tender, kind
Help with the dishes after dinner (she cooked it, you help clean up, too…be glad you don’t have to do the cleanup alone!)
Be truthful
Remember special occasions such as dates, anniversaries, and birthdays with gifts that are sentimental, not practical. Learn how to shop for a woman.
Bring her coffee/juice in bed occasionally on Saturday
Don’t criticize her
Ask her regularly what you can do to help. Better yet, see something that needs to be done and do it yourself
Hug and kiss her every night, before you both go to sleep (with no “strings [sex] attached”)
Be particular to show attention when she is ill, or the children are ill
For “some strange reason,” human beings (and particularly women) tolerate stresses and pressures much more easily if at least one other person knows they are enduring it” – Dr. James Dobson
Be aware of cruelty, crude jokes/language.
Make sure you recognize her attempts to please you
Do NOT make unfavorable comparisons with other women
Work hard not to “hurt her feelings”
Make certain you do not reject her opinions as unimportant (makes her feel unimportant)

A profound command comes from Paul in Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."

How easy it is for a husband to become embittered against his wife. You might wish that she could dress quicker, or spend less time combing her hair or making you late for an important meeting...but we must not allow bitterness or harshness to come from it.

6. To honor her.

1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect [honor] as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

(Genesis 1:26-27) "Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." {27} So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

If you are disrespectful to your wife and do not honor her, you will likely live to see your children disrespect her just as you do. Make certain that your children do NOT talk back to their mother…make that clear early and often in their life.

Make up your mind she will have a place of honor, permanently in your life…because she is Christ’s.

The Most Important Ingredients (to explain success in our marriage)

Men and women both said:

My spouse is my best friend

I like my spouse as a person

Marriage is a long-term commitment

Marriage is sacred

We agree on aims and goals

My spouse has grown more interesting

I want the relationship to succeed

An enduring marriage is important to social stability

We laugh together

I am proud of my spouse’s achievements (men)

We agree on how and how often to show affection (women)

We agree on a philosophy of life

We agree about our sex life

We have a stimulating exchange (women)

I confide in my spouse (men)

We discuss things calmly (women)

We share outside hobbies and interests (men)

7. The Christian father-husband is to fulfill his sexual duties to his wife.
Paul sets forth God's law touching the physical relationships and responsibility in a most powerful statement of principles:

1 Corinthians 7:3 "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

The husband is to be always mindful of the physical needs of his wife. His body is no longer his. By marriage there has been a transfer of ownership.

His wife has every right in the world to expect that he will do his best to reward her with a happy life in the realm of sex. Failure in this realm will cast a question mark over real marital happiness and will lead to a spiritual problem.

Special Problems in the Home
- The Absent Father
Dr. James Dobson writes "A research psychologist's study of the early childhood of inmates in a state prison in Arizonas discovered one fundamental characteristic shared by the imprisoned men: an absence of adult contact in their early home lives.

Dr. Seymour Diamond writes: "The lack of attentiveness to children's needs by fathers has produced great changes in the American home. Fathers spend an average of only 38 seconds a dya being totally attentive and 20 minutes being partially attentive to their children's needs. Associated
with these changes are the rising teen-age suicide rate, which has tripled in the last 20 years, and the increasing incidence of delinquent behavior, which will bring one of nine adolescents in the United States into a courtroom this year."

- Disadvantages Wives Mentioned Most
40% lack with time husband
36% business dominates husband's life
22% confining nature of wife's role
19% worry over career's toll on him
15% loneliness and isolation

* What can an executive do to help his family-wife?
1. Stop hiding behind excuses -- "I'm only doing this for you and the children"
2. Schedule time for your family. Let nothing interfere. It’s sacred time. If you can get free because of sickness, you can get free for family.
3. Allow your family to interrupt during the day. Family members “who bother you” at the office may do so because they rarely get a chance to talk otherwise.
4. Call home frequently, every night when you are away. Talk with every member of the family. If you are off to work early, call around breakfast to help get the day started right…and do it often enough so “the cook” will allow the time needed for this important time. Telephone bills are cheaper than hospitals, psychiatrists, and wild, wild children. Eat lunch more often with your wife if you're going to miss supper at home.
5. Don't smother the children with gifts--they don’t make up for your absence. They want you. Give reasonable gifts. To do so you must spend some time to find out what they want. Lavish gifts from your own desires are a give-away to the children that you don’t care to know them.
6. Share with your family--failures as well as successes. Let them know the real you. Transparency breeds love.
7. Use your position. If you have clout, use it for the family. It is legal, ethical, and speaks tons to the family. Let the family know that you are biased for them.

8. Make compromises. Give up time with “the boys” while the children are young and at home. Restrict golf to nine holes, etc. Your rewards will exceed the club trophy.

Summary

The husband is the leader, but he is not a dictator.
The husband is the one God made responsible, but he is not necessarily a superior person.
The husband is not the exclusive decision maker. Delegation is assumed, especially in areas where the woman is more qualified. Consider the woman of Proverbs 31.
The husband is a leader, but he is not always right. If wrong, admit it; then prove it by changing your ways. Right or wrong, God holds the husband responsible. Our responsibility is to fill the role God gave us – which ever it is.
The husband should explain all legal and financial matters – bills, debts, savings, investments, stocks, etc.
Dialogue on death.
A will is a must. State your burial desires. Tape record your wishes if you have problems writing.

Biblical Examples of Husbands and Fathers
As we begin today looking at some Bible examples of both negative and positive husbands and fathers, I think it will be very clear which should be our choice.

The Husband Names Nabal
We do not need husbands like one by the name of Nabal, whose story is told in 1 Samuel 25. David was fleeing from the wrath of Saul. David and his men had helped Nabal's shepherds and given them protection; now David asked the wealthy shepherd for food.

Nabal refuses. Notice the strong contrast found between Nabal and his wife: 1 Samuel 25:3 "His name was Nabal and his wife's name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband, a Calebite, was surly and mean in his dealings."

Later the chapter presents an appraisal of Nabal by one of his own servants who said to Abigail: 1 Samuel 25:17 "Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him.""

Abigail recognized the gravity of the situation. She took matters into her own hands and took food to David. When she came to David she said, 1 Samuel 25:25 "May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name--his name is Fool, and folly goes with him. But as
for me, your servant, I did not see the men my master sent."

David recognized the wisdom of her counsel and changed his plans to exterminate Nabal's whole house.

Another revealing glimpse of Nabal is given in 1 Samuel 25:36 "When Abigail went to Nabal, he was in the house holding a banquet like that of a king. He was in high spirits and very drunk. So she told him nothing until daybreak."

Abigail told him nothing of her proceedings until his sobriety returned. Perhaps she had learned through bitter experience that there can be no reasoning with a drunken husband. Many wives can so testify who live with husbands and strong drink.

When Abigail told Nabal what she had done, the results were quite startling: 1 Samuel 25:37-38: "Then in the morning, when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things, and his heart failed him and he became like a stone. About ten days later, the LORD struck Nabal and he died."

Note the contrasts between this wife and her husband:
ABIGAIL                                            NABAL
she had good sense                              he was a fool
she was a good woman                        he was evil, wicked and worthless
she could be reasoned with                  he was not open to any counsel
she was a peacemaker                         he broke the peace
she shared with others                         he hoarded what he had for himself
she was blessed by God                       he felt the wrath of the Lord

The Husband David
This is one of the blackest stories of the Old Testament. It's a story of lust, adultery, and death. It brought the sin with Bathsheba, the death of Uriah and the young son born. God's appraisal? 2 Samuel 11:27: "After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and
she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the LORD."

What did this sinful act do? 2 Samuel 12:14: "But because by doing this you have made the enemies of the LORD show utter contempt, the son born to you will die.""

By his action David despised both the Lord and His commandment: 2 Samuel 12:9-10: "Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you
despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.'" We need husbands who will be satisfied with their own wives and not be misled by the enticing theory of Proverbs 9:17: Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious."

The Husband Jacob and Rachel
We have often heard that love makes burdens light and service easy. This certainly was true in the case of Jacob, who worked seven years-plus for Rachel. Genesis 29:18-20: "Jacob was in love with Rachel and said,

"I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel." Laban said, "It's better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me." So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her."

The Husband Boaz and Ruth
Boaz was a wealthy man of Bethleham who treated a young widow named Ruth with gentleness and tenderness. He showed her great kindness when she first went among his maidens to glean grain during the Palestinian spring harvest:

Ruth 2:5-23: "Boaz asked the foreman of his harvesters, "Whose young woman is that?" The foreman re-plied, "She is the Moabitess who came back from Moab with Naomi. She said, 'Please let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters.' She went into the field and has worked steadily from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter." So Boaz said to Ruth, "My daughter, listen to me. Don't go and glean in another field and don't go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along
after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled." At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, "Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me--a foreigner?"

Boaz replied, "I've been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband--how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be
richly re-warded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge. May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord," she said. "You have given me comfort and have spoken kindly to your servant--though I do not have the standing of one of your servant
girls. And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character. If the world were filled with men like Boaz, who preserved Ruth's honor and dignity. He saw she was a special women

The Kind of Fathers Not Needed
- The materialistic Lot
We do not need fathers today who will pitch their tents toward Sodom as Lot did in ancient times. When the time came for a separation between Abraham and his youthful nephew, the younger man made a choice that clearly indicated materialism was the dominant factor.

Abraham clearly gave Lot his choice Genesis 13:9 "Is not the whole land before you? Let's part company. If you go to the left, I'll go to the right; if you go to the right, I'll go to the left.""

The Bible clearly shows us why Lot made the choice he made. Genesis 13:10-13: "Lot looked up and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan was well watered, like the garden of the LORD, like the land of Egypt, toward Zoar. (This was before the LORD destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.) So
Lot chose for himself the whole plain of the Jordan and set out toward the east. The two men parted company: "Abram lived in the land of Canaan, while Lot lived among the cities of the plain and pitched his tents near Sodom. Now the men of Sodom were wicked and were sinning greatly against the LORD."

A thorough study of Genesis 19 shows us that some of Lot's children apparently chose to stay in Sodom. Lot's wife perished due to the influences there upon her and Lot's three daughters who did leave with him committed the hedious crimes of strong drink and incest. What was it like for Lot? 2 Peter 2:7-8: "...and if he rescued Lot, a righteous man, who was distressed by the filthy lives of lawless men (for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard)--"

God needs fathers who will consider the spiritual consequences of their children when weighing job opportuni-ties and promotions! A job advancement in a city where the church is weak should be looked at closely.

- The permissive Eli.
Eli was a good man himself and did a superb work in the training of young Samuel. But he was permissive in regard to his own children. 1 Samuel 2:12 "Eli's sons were wicked men; they had no regard for the LORD."

They committed terrible sins in regard to the Lord: 1 Samuel 2:17 "This sin of the young men was very great in the Lord's sight, for they were treating the Lord's offering with contempt."

1 Samuel 2:22: "Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting."

Scripture gives the strong impression that Eli only midly rebuked his sons with rather weak words: 1 Samuel 2:23-25: "So he said to them, "Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours. No, my sons; it is not a good report that I hear spreading among the Lord's people. If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?" His sons, however, did not listen to their father's rebuke, for it was the Lord's will to put them to death."

WHY? Scripture is just as clear! 1 Samuel 3:13: "For I told you that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them."

Eli had three forms of authority over these sons: (1) He was their father; (2) He was their priest; (3) He was their judge. Domestic, religious, and civil authority converged in his hands and yet he used
none of the three powers to curb his wicked sons.

What advice does Scripture give us, as fathers?
Proverbs 29:15 "The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother."

Proverbs 29:17 "Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul."

We Need Fathers Like Enoch.
We need fathers who will emulate Enoch, the seventh from Adam. The Bible has painted his portrait by using only a few brief verses...but they are verses which speak of his godly life.

Genesis 5:21-24: "When Enoch had lived 65 years, he became the father of Methuselah. And after he became the father of Methuselah, Enoch walked with God 300 years and had other sons and daughters. Altogether, Enoch lived 365 years. Enoch walked with God; then he was no more, because God took him away."

Hebrews 11:5: "By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God."

Jude 1:14-15: "Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied about these men: "See, the Lord is coming with thousands upon thousands of his holy ones to judge everyone, and to convict all the ungodly of all the ungodly acts they have done in the ungodly way, and of all the harsh words
ungodly sinners have spoken against him.""

These verses show a father who walked with God, a man who was translated and allowed to escape death, a man of faith, one who pleased God, and as a courageous prophet who was not afraid to set forth God's prophetic will toward ungodly speech and conduct.

We Need Fathers Like Noah.
Our world stands in desperate need of fathers who will emulate noble Noah. He is listed among that great "Hall of Faith." Hebrews 11:7: "By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became
heir of the righteousness that comes by faith."

Noah lived in an atmosphere so bad and ungodly that God's reveals to us that the entire world was evil! Yet he was able to instill in his family an intense love and devotion to him and to his God. How? 2 Peter 2:5 calls Noah "a preacher of righteousness." Genesis 6:8-9 tells us that "he walked with God."

"Christ In The Home: God’s Plan For His Family” Series

#8 “God’s Plan for Wives & Mothers”

A husband can have no greater HELP-MEET than a good wife!

(Genesis 2:18) "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.""

(Genesis 2:21) "So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh."

What does it mean to have a help-meet?

- someone to talk to

- someone to touch

- someone to be unified with

- someone to hurt with

- someone to have fun with

- someone to be serious with

- someone to know – inside-out

- someone to encourage

- someone to need me

- someone to love…

- someone to grow old with!

It is a high honor for a woman to be chosen among all mankind to be the wife of a good and true man. On her wedding day, so much honor, dignity and power are in her hands. Will she wear her crown well? Or will she fail in her holy trust? Only her married life can be the answer.

Nature has especially equipped woman to serve as the comrade of man; hence, it is this relationship that she can most fully express her natural and peculiar abilities.

One writer said: "God did not take woman from man's head that she might rule over him, nor yet from man's feet that he might trample upon her. God took woman from man's side that she might be his companion and helper throughout life."

It is by man's side that she can realize her greatest usefulness and sweetest joys. There has usually been a good wife beside every eminent man. Seldom will a man become any greater than his wife will allow him t o become.

The husband and wife are dependent on each other! 1 Cor. 11:11-12: "In the Lord, however, woman is not in-dependent of man, nor is man independent of woman. {12} For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God."

From the Lord

Proverbs 18:22:"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."

Proverbs 19:14: "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD."

(Proverbs 12:4) "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

(Proverbs 31:10) "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."

(1 Corinthians 11:9) "neither was man created for woman, but woman for man."

Biblically, there are four functions of a marriage relationship:
- procreation - companionship - nurture - protect sex

(Proverbs 12:4) "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

(Proverbs 12:18) "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

(Proverbs 17:1) "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife."

(Proverbs 21:9) "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."

(Proverbs 21:19) "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."

Greatest faults of American Wives

Men said:

- not satisfied

- too materialistic (tied for first place)

- not supportive enough

- neglect family

- selfish

Women said

- selfishness

- not letting Jesus rule

- trying to “get the best of” husband

Qualities Most Important in a Christian Wife

Right relationship with God.

- she is a person in her own right

- quiet self-respect

- quality of serenity

- inward richness

Affectionate, warm and responsible

- she cares

- eager delights in everything around her

- a genius for discovering what is worthwhile in others

A good self-image

- she is honest

- she is not afraid to like what she likes

- she is not afraid to be herself

Submissive to husband

- she places him in position of leadership

- she “affirms” him as leader

Patient

- she knows how to “lead the spirit out of its hiding place”

- she knows how to persuade people that they are more than they thought they were

- Her simplicity protects her from pettiness and fussiness

Loyal (dependable)

- faithfulness plus

- she is “on the level” in her relationships

- she is honorable, loving, courageous

Right priorities

- she knows that people are more important than things (like Mary vs. Martha)

- she knows how to “budget” her physical and emotional energies

Available to her husband’s physical needs

- she is sensitive to all his needs

- she is warm, affectionate, responsive

- she is not afraid to be aggressive in affirming his manliness

A zest for living

- joy in the moment

- eager delight in everything around her

- she has a ‘natural love affair with life’

Unselfish

- she “loves to love others”

- tender and concerned

- willing to sacrifice for others

- gladly does the little things for the comfort and pleasure of others

Homemaker

- she focuses her attention and interests on those most important to her

- her greatest challenge is her family

- her creativity finds its greatest fulfillment in her home

Good attitude

- she is loving

- she is cheerful

- she is forgiving

- she is optimistic, positive, affirming

Not materialistic.

- she knows how to appreciate and enjoy simple things

- she is content with what she has

- she knows that ‘things’ tend to complicate life

Sense of humor.

- she does not take life too seriously

- she is a delightful companion

- she knows how to enjoy life

- she knows how to laugh at herself

- she knows how to laugh with others

Outside interests

- she is a person in her own right

- she is interested in people and in life

- she reads

- she is a ‘growing’ person

Out of two – One

(Genesis 2:24) "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

The two become one – a whole, a team! Their most important task: to make a home! Both are home-makers! The basic agreement: the basic task: to work together cooperatively for the greatest good of all concerned.

Scriptural Instructions to Christian Wives

The Husband and Wife Are Dependent on Each Other

Principle: Permanence…(Romans 7:2) "For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage."

(1 Corinthians 7:5) "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

It is not love that sustains marriage but marriage that sustains love.

(1 Corinthians 11:11-12) "In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. {12} For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God."

(Ephesians 5:21) "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

(Titus 2:3-5) "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. {4} Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, {5} to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

The Worthy Woman – Proverbs 31

God’s attitude toward the worthy woman: “more precious than jewels…” (vs. 10).

Husband’s attitude toward her:

- complete “trust” in her (vs. 11)

- an absolute asset to him – “no lack of gain” (vs. 11)

- He is “known in the gates” (vs. 13)

- She “does him good…all the days of her life” (vs. 12)

- He praises her: “many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all” (vs. 28-29)

The children’s attitude toward her:

- Loves her – “call her blessed” (vs. 28)

Her attitude toward children:

- “provides food” (vs. 15)

- “looks well to the ways of her household” (vs. 27)

Her attitude toward others:

- good supervision of others…”task for her maidens” (vs. 15)

- “open hands to the poor…needy” (vs. 20)

- “the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (vs. 26)

Her attitude toward business:

- “considers a field and buys it” (vs. 16)

- “plants a vineyard” (vs. 16)

- “perceives her merchandise is profitable” (vs. 18)

- “makes linen garments and sells them” (vs. 25)

- “delivers girdles to the merchants” (vs. 24)

Her personal attributes:

-Speech: “she opens her mouth with wisdom; the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (vs. 26)

- Character: “strength” (vs. 25)

- Dignity (vs. 25)

- Wisdom (vs. 26)

- Kindness (vs 26)

- Self-discipline: manages time and money well

- Industry: “works willingly”

- like merchant ships (vs. 13-14)

- rises early while night (vs. 15)

- “plants a field”

- “her lamp does not go out at night” (vs. 18)

- “her hands to the distaff…and spindle” (vs. 19)

- “does not eat the bread of idleness” (vs. 27)

- Optimistic attitude: “she laughs at the time to come” (vs. 25)

The wife’s attitude toward her husband
- She must show herself a woman
In the previous lessons we established that the boy must now show himself a man. The same applies in the case of the girl. She must show herself a woman. She is no longer living in a world of dolls. She is no longer living in a world of school parties, slumber parties, and so forth. She
must accept all responsibilities that come with a husband and a home, and all call for womanhood.....immaturity will fail in these roles.

Three important words in the marriage
Three words, "love, honor, and obey" have a big significance to the Christian wife as she contemplates the attitude she will have toward the man she marries.

· LOVE
Titus 2:4: "...then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children..."

Love demands loyalty, kindness, and gentleness to him in thought words, and deeds. Love will keep her from constantly nagging him. Loved will keep her from demeaning him before her friends.

One writer suggests: "As you stand before the marriage altar you promise to love him in sicknesses and in health, in prosperity and adversity. You do love him with all your heart and you want that love to grow and flourish. As wives, it's important that we read 1 Cor. 13 and apply it to ourselves and to our marriages that they may have the beauty, peace, and happiness God intended and we so desire."

I will be patient and kind
If there are little irritations, I will forbear and not be critical. I will not nag but I will encourage, and appreciate every good quality and deed which is his. I will show him all the little courtesies I would show a guest in my home for he is my love.

Because the Bible makes such an emphasis on one related point, it behooves us now to at least read some of the verses from the wise man Solomon:

Proverbs 12:4: "A [wife] of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful [wife] is like decay in his bones."

Proverbs 17:1: "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife."

Proverbs 14:1: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."

Proverbs 19:13: "A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome [wife] is like a constant dripping."

Proverbs 21:9: "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome [wife]."

Proverbs 21:19: "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered [wife]."

Proverbs 25:24: "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome [wife]."

Proverbs 27:15: "A quarrelsome [wife] is like a constant dripping on a rainy day."

The word "quarrelsome" has synonyms: argumentative, belligerent, combative, contentious, factious, and tempestuous.

I will not envy him
There will never be a competitive spirit between us as to who can spend the money or whose relatives will be favored for we are one and shall face the world united in purposes and desires. Neither shall I let jealousy eat at my heart and the heart of our home.

I will not be arrogant or conceited
Pride shall not rule my heart. There can be no blending of personalities where one has a superiority complex. "Let each esteem the other better than himself."

I will not behave myself unseemly or discourteously
I will not pout or be sullen. I will not fly off the handle. Neither will I be vulgar nor rude, or boorish or rough.

I will not seek my own
I will not be selfish or self-centered. It will be our interests, no longer my interests or children or home or money or friends. Love does not insist on its own rights, but looks to the rights of the beloved.

I will not be easily irritated or provoked with my failings or faults.
When he is late for an appointment, I will not be grouchy. I will not lose my temper but have patience that cannot know defeat. A bad temper can be made sweet by love.

I will not take account of evil
I will not indulge in that wrecker of happiness and homes -- self-pity. I will not brood over slights or injustices.

But I will select my memories and remember only the good. I will be too big to harbor a wrong. Love is able to forgive, but unforgiveness will close the doors of happiness to me and also the doors of heaven.

I will not rejoice in unrighteousness but will rejoice in the truth
I will never be glad when he makes a mistake, for we are one. I will find no malicious pleasure in his failings nor continually draw his attention to them. But I will be glad in everything good about him and rejoice over his every success. I will not criticize him to others, but shield him from all attacks.

I will endure all things
Fidelity will be mine until the end. Even when disillusionment comes and I am down hearted, I will have courage. My love shall stand its ground and carry on. I will prize our marriage above all human contracts. I did not promise to stay with him until I get lonesome for my parents or until I find someone more handsome or until I find someone who can support me better, but until death do us part.

· HONOR
Ephesians 5:33: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect [honor] her husband."

The word honor is an overlooked word with many wives. One of the fundamental precepts of Christianity is the respect of personality. The Christian wife will take to heart what Paul says