"Christ
In The Home: God’s Plan For His Family” Series
#8
“God’s Plan for Wives & Mothers”
A husband can have no greater HELP-MEET than a good wife!
(Genesis 2:18) "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.""
(Genesis 2:21) "So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh."
What does it mean to have a help-meet?
- someone to talk to
- someone to touch
- someone to be unified with
- someone to hurt with
- someone to have fun with
- someone to be serious with
- someone to know – inside-out
- someone to encourage
- someone to need me
- someone to love…
- someone to grow old with!
It is a high honor for a woman to be chosen
among all mankind to be the wife of a good and true man. On her wedding day, so
much honor, dignity and power are in her hands. Will she wear her crown well? Or
will she fail in her holy trust? Only her married life can be the answer.
Nature has especially equipped woman to serve as the comrade of man; hence, it
is this relationship that she can most fully express her natural and peculiar
abilities.
One writer said: "God did not take woman from man's head that she might rule
over him, nor yet from man's feet that he might trample upon her. God took woman
from man's side that she might be his companion and helper throughout life."
It is by man's side that she can realize her greatest usefulness and sweetest
joys. There has usually been a good wife beside every eminent man. Seldom will a
man become any greater than his wife will allow him t o become.
The husband and wife are dependent on each other! 1 Cor. 11:11-12: "In the
Lord, however, woman is not in-dependent of man, nor is man independent of
woman. {12} For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But
everything comes from God."
From the Lord
Proverbs 18:22:"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."
Proverbs 19:14: "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD."
(Proverbs 12:4) "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."
(Proverbs 31:10) "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."
(1 Corinthians 11:9) "neither was man created for woman, but woman for man."
Biblically, there are four functions of a
marriage relationship:
- procreation - companionship - nurture - protect sex
(Proverbs 12:4) "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."
(Proverbs 12:18) "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
(Proverbs 17:1) "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife."
(Proverbs 21:9) "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
(Proverbs 21:19) "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife."
Greatest faults of American Wives
Men said:
- not satisfied
- too materialistic (tied for first place)
- not supportive enough
- neglect family
- selfish
Women said
- selfishness
- not letting Jesus rule
- trying to “get the best of” husband
Qualities Most Important in a Christian Wife
Right relationship with God.
- she is a person in her own right
- quiet self-respect
- quality of serenity
- inward richness
Affectionate, warm and responsible
- she cares
- eager delights in everything around her
- a genius for discovering what is worthwhile in others
A good self-image
- she is honest
- she is not afraid to like what she likes
- she is not afraid to be herself
Submissive to husband
- she places him in position of leadership
- she “affirms” him as leader
Patient
- she knows how to “lead the spirit out of its hiding place”
- she knows how to persuade people that they are more than they thought they were
- Her simplicity protects her from pettiness and fussiness
Loyal (dependable)
- faithfulness plus
- she is “on the level” in her relationships
- she is honorable, loving, courageous
Right priorities
- she knows that people are more important than things (like Mary vs. Martha)
- she knows how to “budget” her physical and emotional energies
Available to her husband’s physical needs
- she is sensitive to all his needs
- she is warm, affectionate, responsive
- she is not afraid to be aggressive in affirming his manliness
A zest for living
- joy in the moment
- eager delight in everything around her
- she has a ‘natural love affair with life’
Unselfish
- she “loves to love others”
- tender and concerned
- willing to sacrifice for others
- gladly does the little things for the comfort and pleasure of others
Homemaker
- she focuses her attention and interests on those most important to her
- her greatest challenge is her family
- her creativity finds its greatest fulfillment in her home
Good attitude
- she is loving
- she is cheerful
- she is forgiving
- she is optimistic, positive, affirming
Not materialistic.
- she knows how to appreciate and enjoy simple things
- she is content with what she has
- she knows that ‘things’ tend to complicate life
Sense of humor.
- she does not take life too seriously
- she is a delightful companion
- she knows how to enjoy life
- she knows how to laugh at herself
- she knows how to laugh with others
Outside interests
- she is a person in her own right
- she is interested in people and in life
- she reads
- she is a ‘growing’ person
(Genesis 2:24) "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
The two become one – a whole, a team! Their most important task: to make a home! Both are home-makers! The basic agreement: the basic task: to work together cooperatively for the greatest good of all concerned.
Principle: Permanence…(Romans 7:2) "For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage."
(1 Corinthians 7:5) "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
It is not love that sustains marriage but marriage that sustains love.
(1 Corinthians 11:11-12) "In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. {12} For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God."
(Ephesians 5:21) "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
(Titus 2:3-5) "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. {4} Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, {5} to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
The Worthy Woman – Proverbs 31
God’s attitude toward the worthy woman: “more precious than jewels…” (vs. 10).
Husband’s attitude toward her:
- complete “trust” in her (vs. 11)
- an absolute asset to him – “no lack of gain” (vs. 11)
- He is “known in the gates” (vs. 13)
- She “does him good…all the days of her life” (vs. 12)
- He praises her: “many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all” (vs. 28-29)
The children’s attitude toward her:
- Loves her – “call her blessed” (vs. 28)
Her attitude toward children:
- “provides food” (vs. 15)
- “looks well to the ways of her household” (vs. 27)
Her attitude toward others:
- good supervision of others…”task for her maidens” (vs. 15)
- “open hands to the poor…needy” (vs. 20)
- “the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (vs. 26)
Her attitude toward business:
- “considers a field and buys it” (vs. 16)
- “plants a vineyard” (vs. 16)
- “perceives her merchandise is profitable” (vs. 18)
- “makes linen garments and sells them” (vs. 25)
- “delivers girdles to the merchants” (vs. 24)
Her personal attributes:
-Speech: “she opens her mouth with wisdom; the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (vs. 26)
- Character: “strength” (vs. 25)
- Dignity (vs. 25)
- Wisdom (vs. 26)
- Kindness (vs 26)
- Self-discipline: manages time and money well
- Industry: “works willingly”
- like merchant ships (vs. 13-14)
- rises early while night (vs. 15)
- “plants a field”
- “her lamp does not go out at night” (vs. 18)
- “her hands to the distaff…and spindle” (vs. 19)
- “does not eat the bread of idleness” (vs. 27)
- Optimistic attitude: “she laughs at the time to come” (vs. 25)
The wife’s attitude toward her husband
- She must show herself a woman
In the previous lessons we
established that the boy must now show himself a man. The same applies in the
case of the girl. She must show herself a woman. She is no longer living in a
world of dolls. She is no longer living in a world of school parties, slumber
parties, and so forth. She
must accept all responsibilities that come with a husband and a home, and all
call for womanhood.....immaturity will fail in these roles.
Three important words in the marriage
Three words, "love, honor, and obey"
have a big significance to the Christian wife as she contemplates the attitude
she will have toward the man she marries.
· LOVE
Titus 2:4: "...then they can train the younger women to love their
husbands and children..."
Love demands loyalty, kindness, and gentleness to him in thought words, and
deeds. Love will keep her from constantly nagging him. Loved will keep her from
demeaning him before her friends.
One writer suggests: "As you stand before the marriage altar you promise to love
him in sicknesses and in health, in prosperity and adversity. You do love him
with all your heart and you want that love to grow and flourish. As wives, it's
important that we read 1 Cor. 13 and apply it to ourselves and to our marriages
that they may have the beauty, peace, and happiness God intended and we so
desire."
I will be patient and kind
If there are little irritations, I will forbear and not be critical. I will
not nag but I will encourage, and appreciate every good quality and deed which
is his. I will show him all the little courtesies I would show a guest in my
home for he is my love.
Because the Bible makes such an emphasis on one related point, it behooves us
now to at least read some of the verses from the wise man Solomon:
Proverbs 12:4: "A [wife] of noble character is her husband's crown, but a
disgraceful [wife] is like decay in his bones."
Proverbs 17:1: "Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of
feasting, with strife."
Proverbs 14:1: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the
foolish one tears hers down."
Proverbs 19:13: "A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a quarrelsome [wife] is
like a constant dripping."
Proverbs 21:9: "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a
quarrelsome [wife]."
Proverbs 21:19: "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and
ill-tempered [wife]."
Proverbs 25:24: "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with
a quarrelsome [wife]."
Proverbs 27:15: "A quarrelsome [wife] is like a constant dripping on a rainy
day."
The word "quarrelsome" has synonyms: argumentative, belligerent, combative,
contentious, factious, and tempestuous.
I will not envy him
There will never be a competitive spirit between us as to who can spend the
money or whose relatives will be favored for we are one and shall face the world
united in purposes and desires. Neither shall I let jealousy eat at my heart and
the heart of our home.
I will not be arrogant or conceited
Pride shall not rule my heart. There can be no blending of personalities
where one has a superiority complex. "Let each esteem the other better than
himself."
I will not behave myself unseemly or discourteously
I will not pout or be sullen. I will not fly off the handle. Neither will I
be vulgar nor rude, or boorish or rough.
I will not seek my own
I will not be selfish or self-centered. It will be our interests, no longer
my interests or children or home or money or friends. Love does not insist on
its own rights, but looks to the rights of the beloved.
I will not be easily irritated or provoked with my failings or faults.
When he is late for an appointment, I will not be grouchy. I will not lose
my temper but have patience that cannot know defeat. A bad temper can be made
sweet by love.
I will not take account of evil
I will not indulge in that wrecker of happiness and homes -- self-pity. I
will not brood over slights or injustices.
But I will select my memories and remember only the good. I will be too big to
harbor a wrong. Love is able to forgive, but unforgiveness will close the doors
of happiness to me and also the doors of heaven.
I will not rejoice in unrighteousness but will rejoice in the truth
I will never be glad when he makes a mistake, for we are one. I will find no
malicious pleasure in his failings nor continually draw his attention to them.
But I will be glad in everything good about him and rejoice over his every
success. I will not criticize him to others, but shield him from all attacks.
I will endure all things
Fidelity will be mine until the end. Even when disillusionment comes and I
am down hearted, I will have courage. My love shall stand its ground and carry
on. I will prize our marriage above all human contracts. I did not promise to
stay with him until I get lonesome for my parents or until I find someone more
handsome or until I find someone who can support me better, but until death do
us part.
· HONOR
Ephesians 5:33: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he
loves himself, and the wife must respect [honor] her husband."
The word honor is an overlooked word with many wives. One of the fundamental
precepts of Christianity is the respect of personality. The Christian wife will
take to heart what Paul says in this verse.
Sarah called Abraham "Lord," showing respect and great regard for his place and
his person. To honor the husband implies the idea of respect for his wishes,
tastes, and to appreciate him and encourage him. The wife does this by
fulfilling her obligations in the home. If the Bible teaches that the man that
provides not for his family is worse than an infidel, what of the one who takes
what he provides and squanders it in extravagance and selfish spending.
· OBEY
The wifely submission to the husband began with Eve. Jehovah said to her:
Genesis 3:16: "To the woman he said, "I will greatly increase your pains in
childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for
your husband, and he will rule over you."
It was continued in the Old Testament era since the patriarch was head of the
wife and the family. Peter surveyed the worthy women of the Old Testament with
his words from 1 Peter 3:5-6 "For this is the way the holy women of the past
who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were
submissive to their own husbands, {6} like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called
him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give
way to fear."
Nowhere else in Scripture are the proper roles of husbands and wives described
in detail as in Ephesians 5. These are crucial verses that, based on the
creation ordinances, expand the Christian's concept of marriage. The following
are God's words to the wives, which should certainly be sufficient:
Ephesians 5:22-24: "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. {23} For
the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his
body, of which he is the Savior. {24} Now as the church submits to Christ, so
also wives should submit to their husbands in everything."
Who is the head of your house? The Bible has a word to say about it. It is the
husband. How much better to accept God's arrangement.
These texts substantiate the role of the husband as head of the home and call
upon the wife to be submissive. For the wife to rebel against this principle
would show disrespect for both God and her husband.
Women are not inferior to men in their intellects, but they do possess feminine
and tender qualities. If obedience to husband necessitates disobedience to God,
then the wife should remember that her obedience is limited to that which is
"fitting in the Lord" (Col. 3:18). God has priority over any man! Acts 5:29:
"Peter and the other apostles replied: "We must obey God rather than men!"
Jay Adams, a noted counselor, observes that "almost without exception we have
found in counseling that when there have been serious problems in a marriage,
there also has been the problem of the husband-wife role failure, usually the
form of role reversal. It is important then to understand the proper role of
each marriage partner and how to develop and maintain it in a Christian home."
The heart of these words to the husbands and to the wives can be reached quickly
by asking two questions:
- Husbands, do you love your wives enough to die for them?
- Wives, do you love your husbands enough to live for them?
This is what the latter part of Ephesians 5 is all about! The husband must learn
to love his wife as Jesus Christ loves His church. And the wife must so love her
husband that she is willing to live for him. She must be willing to pour her
life into being his helper.
We need to realize some things about submissiveness: submission does not remove
freedom, it allows for it. When is the train freer-when it is bumping over the
hillside off the track, or when it is smoothly running along the track, confined
and restricted, if you will, to the track? It is freer when it is where it ought
to be, doing what it was intended to do.
Restricted to the track means freedom. Confined to the track means ability to
perform as it was intended to perform.
The principle of submission runs through all of life. It pertains to
relationships within the church, as well as within the home.
1 Timothy 2:11-15: "A woman should learn in quietness and full submission.
{12} I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must
be silent. {13} For Adam was formed first, then Eve. {14} And Adam was not the
one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived
and became a sinner. {15} But women will be saved through childbearing--if they
continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety."
1 Cor. 14:34-35: "...women should remain silent in the churches. They are not
allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. {35} If they want
to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it
is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church."
A woman is never to take a position of authority over men as a teacher or a
ruler. Thus the two works of the elder are denied her. This is not asserted on
cultural grounds, but on the basis of the order of creation and the
circumstances involved in the Fall.
The wife is to respect her husband
Ephesians 5:33: "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he
loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Respect is important in all human relationships. It is imperative in marriage! A
girl should not date a young man if she does not respect him. There must always
be a deep bond of respect between the marital mates if happiness is to be
achieved.
No young lady should ever contemplate marriage to a young man whom she does not
fully respect. If there is no respect at the marriage altar, it is doubtful that
there will be respect subsequently in the home.
What is respect? "high or special regard" "to consider worthy of respect"
The wife should respect her husband as a man, as head, as breadwinner, and later
as the father of her children. Of course the husband is not passive in this
important role of creating and maintaining respect. He must assume his roles in
the home if the wife is going to have a firm foundation upon which to build her
respect for him.
The man who lives up to the Scriptural standards which were discussed in the
preceding chapters will be the kind of man for whom the wife can develop genuine
and lasting respect!
The wife is not to defraud her husband
While this subject was discussed fully in the section regarding the husband,
it needs mentioning again here. Paul's words are clear:
1 Cor. 7:2-5: "But since there is so much immorality, each man should have
his own wife, and each woman her own husband. {3} The husband should fulfill his
marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. {4} The wife's
body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the
husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. {5} Do not
deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may
devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not
tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
She is to bear children
1 Timothy 2:15: "But women will be saved through childbearing--if they
continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety."
1 Timothy 5:14: "So I counsel younger widows
to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no
opportunity for slander."
God gave woman the duty and distinction of being mother of the human family. The
woman who chooses to become a wife and a mother should not look upon her work as
inferior to the careers of others. It is a calling which glorifies God and
perpetuates his creation.
It is the greatest calling of all, having the gravest responsibilities and the
greatest possibilities.
She is a good housekeeper
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not
to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. {4} Then
they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, {5} to be
self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be
kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word
of God."
There was a time when few women left the home for outside employment. But that
time has certainly changed in our present society! When the wife works 40 hours
or more per week outside the home providing income for the family, it is only
proper that the husband join her in the work of
cooking and keeping the house. It is totally unfair for him to think that he has
no responsibility at home when 6 p.m. comes around.
PORTRAITS OF BIBLE WIVES
Our concluding study of Christian husbands closed with a negative and
positive look ... and it's only fair to follow the same plan in our study of
wives/mothers.
We do not need wives like the one Lot possessed
In fact, the Lord did not want us to forget this woman! He said tersely:
Luke 17:32: "Remember Lot's wife!" Genesis 19:16 describes their reluctance
in leaving the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah...the clear implication of the
chapter is that some of their children preferred to
stay!
Genesis 19:26: "But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt."
We do not need wives like Jezebel was to Ahab and Athaliah was to Jehoram These
two women were a mother-and-daughter team. They run close competition in
deciding who is the most wicked woman, wife, and mother that ever disgraced a
home.
1 Kings 16:31: "He not only considered it trivial to commit the sins of
Jeroboam son of Nebat, but he also married Jezebel daughter of Ethbaal king of
the Sidonians, and began to serve Baal and worship him."
1 Kings 21:25: "There was never a man like Ahab, who sold himself to do evil
in the eyes of the LORD, urged on by Jezebel his wife."
While the name Jezebel carries with it a certain stigma, Athaliah, her daughter,
was just as evil. She led her husband down an evil path as well.
2 Chronicles 21:5-6: "Jehoram was thirty-two years old when he became king,
and he reigned in Jerusalem eight years. {6} He walked in the ways of the kings
of Israel, as the house of Ahab had done, for he married a daughter of Ahab. He
did evil in the eyes of the LORD."
2 Chronicles 21:11, 13: "He had also built high places on the hills of Judah
and had caused the people of Jerusalem to prostitute themselves and had led
Judah astray....But you have walked in the ways of the kings of Israel, and you
have led Judah and the people of Jerusalem to prostitute
themselves, just as the house of Ahab did. You have also murdered your own
brothers, members of your father's house, men who were better than you."
2 Chron. 21:20: "Jehoram was thirty-two years old when he became king, and he
reigned in Jerusalem eight years. He passed away, to no one's regret, and was
buried in the City of David, but not in the tombs of the kings."
Jehoram led his people into great evil! He had a righteous father but an evil
wife, who led him astray.
We don’t need wives like those of Solomon and Job
"As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and
his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his
father had been. {5} He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Si-donians, and
Molech the detestable god of the Ammonites. {6} So Solomon did evil in the eyes
of the LORD; he did not follow the LORD completely, as David his father had
done. {7} On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh
the detestable god of Moab, and for Molech the detestable god of the Ammonites.
{8} He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered
sacrifices to their gods."
Nehemiah, who lived several centuries later than Solomon, records God's verdict
of Solomon and his wives: Nehemiah 13:26: "Was it not because of marriages
like these that Solomon king of Israel sinned? Among the many nations there was
no king like him. He was loved by his God, and God made him king over all
Israel, but even he was led into sin by foreign women."
Job's wife has gone down in history for only one thing: she encouraged her
husband to curse God. Job 2:9-10: "His wife said to him, "Are you still
holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" {10} He replied, "You are
talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"
In all this, Job did not sin in what he said."
THE KIND OF WIVES WE NEED IN OUR WORLD TODAY
We need wives of purity like Rebekah
This woman would eventually be married to Isaac, and the Bible makes a great
claim about her purity: Genesis 24:16: "The girl was very beautiful, a
virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went down to the spring, filled her
jar and came up again."
Virginity should be a most desirable ingredient
that every Christian girl takes with her to the marriage altar.
We need wives such as Ruth
Ruth's romance of purity and marriage with honor to the wealthy Boaz of
Bethleham are well-known stories to all Old Testament students. She was
industrious and went to the fields to gather grain (Ruth 2:1-3). She earned a
reputation among the Hebrew people for being a virtuous or
worthy woman (3:11). From this woman came both David (Ruth 4:21-22) and Jesus
Christ (Matt. 1:5-6).
THE MOTHER IN THE HOME
From cover to cover in God's record, we find examples of, and admonition
for, Godly mothers. Indeed, God knows the importance of Christian womanhood. He
knows the far-reaching effect of the character and efforts of a Godly woman.
The first mother was called "Eve" because she was the mother of all living. The
Bible has much to say about the responsibilities and rewards of motherhood.
Jehovah has decreed that the mother shall have a primary influence in the
molding of the child during its most formative period. The child's mind is most
pliable during this time of heavy motherly influence.
There are many beautiful passages from
literature that increase our appreciation of mother. One proverb says "The hand
that rocks the cradle rules the world."
William Goldsmith Brown wrote: "The sweetest sounds of mortals given are heard
in mother, home, and heaven." Thackery said, "Mother is the name for God on the
lips and in the hearts of little children."
President Abraham Lincoln said, "All that I am, or can be, I owe to my angel
mother."
The greatest tribute to a mother is perhaps given through a Jewish proverb: "God
could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers."
Nothing else is comparable to being a mother! To her is given the responsibility
of producing another human being, made in the image of God!
John 16:21: "A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has
come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that
a child is born into the world."
Mother love is a synonym for deep, sacrificial affection which neither knows
death nor limitations. With undying loyalty mother love has followed a wayward
daughter into the mire of degradation and a son to the utter loneliness of a
prison cell.
A mother's love and a proper sense of child direction can direct a son or
daughter to fill a place of usefulness in God's cause and human society.
Tremendous power resides in godly motherhood.
"God made the streams that gurgle down the purple mountainside; He made the
gorgeous coloring with which the sunset's dyed; He made the hills and covered
them with glory, and he made The sparkle on the dewdrops and the flecks of light
and shade. Then, knowing all earth needed was a climax for her charms, He made a
little woman with a baby in her arms! "He made the arching rainbow that is
thrown across the sky; He made the blessed flowers that nod and smile as we go
by; He made the gladsome beauty, as she bows with queenly grace; But the
sweetest of them all, He made the love-light in the face That bends above a
baby, warding off the world's alarms – That dainty little woman with a baby in
her arms."
Courtship, marriage, the physical sexual relationship, and parenthood should be
kept in that exact order. A reversal of this sane and sensible system is
responsible for many of the mismated and poorly formed marriages hastily entered
and speedily ended today.
God intends for a young woman to be the wife of a man before the two of them
engage in the physical act that can produce a child.
Hebrews 13:4: "Marriage should be honored by
all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all
the sexually immoral"
1 Timothy 5:14: "So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to
manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander."
One thing is also certain---faithfulness as a wife is a prerequisite for
motherhood! While two can be married with no plans for children, it is difficult
to imagine a good mother who is a bad wife. Some women seem to actually resent
their place in life. These women feel that they have been cheated because of
their sex -- that men have all the advantages. They therefore become very
anxious to compete with men in fields of business, science, etc.
They complete their education, get a job, compete with and possibly surpass
their male counterparts and forfeit their right to become wives and mothers.
Still other women think that they are capable of handling two professions at
once. So they marry and then get a job outside the home – periodically taking
out time to have a child and take care of him until he can be left with a
baby-sitter and she can get back to her job.
It's the belief of some that this lifestyle
presents a weakness in contemporary American society...that our culture accords
no real distinction to the work of a mother in the home. Whether we agree with
that or not, we can certainly agree that there have definitely been some major
changes in the last 20 years!
God has made it clear that the woman's primary responsibility is to her home. In
some cases it has been absolutely necessary for women to get employment outside
the home in order to provide for the family. But often it has been a matter of
choice.
The late Judge Sam Tatum, who served 25 years as Juvenile Court Judge of
Davidson County, Tennessee, made the following statement before his death: "I've
had children tell me that they go into their homes and if mother isn't there the
old house just doesn't feel right. There is something missing. And I would say
to the working mothers or the woman who has children and is working, unless it
is absolutely essential that you work to maintain the home, get out of that job,
get back into the home with your children. Now if you must work, God bless you
and God give you strength. But if you're just working because you don't like the
home, or you're just working to have more, then you're very likely trading the
birthright of your child for a mess of pottage."
A Christian mother should be a home manager and also teach her children the Word
of God. They should strive to aid their children's grown to the extent that they
grow into a complete person. Luke 2:52: "And Jesus grew in wisdom and
stature, and in favor with God and men."
This will involve physical growth as well as social and spiritual growth. The
fact that Jesus was able, at 12 years of age, to discuss the scriptures
intelligently with rabbi and doctors of the Law means that someone had taken
time to teach these truths to him. Modern mothers should be willing to use some
of their time in telling Bible stories to their children.
Titus 2:3-4: "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they
live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.
{4} Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children."
Proverbs 31:27-28: "She watches over the affairs of her household and does
not eat the bread of idleness. {28} Her children arise and call her blessed; her
husband also, and he praises her."
2 Tim. 1:5; 3:15: "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first
lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded,
now lives in you also...and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures,
which are able to make you wise for salvation
through faith in Christ Jesus."
The Bible instructs that every child should strive to honor the name of its
mother:
Ephesians 6:2: ""Honor your father and mother"--which is the first
commandment with a promise."
Prov. 10:1: "A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to
his mother."
Prov. 15:20: "A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises
his mother."
Prov. 17:25: "A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the
one who bore him."
THE KIND OF MOTHERS WE NEED IN THIS WORLD
We need mothers like the mother of Moses - Jochebed
Moses was born in the critical period of Hebrew history. Pharoah was
treacherous and his decree to kill all Hebrew baby boys at birth was an example
of his efforts to control the power of his kingdom.
Exodus 2:1-10: "Now a man of the house of Levi married a Levite woman, {2}
and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine
child, she hid him for three months. {3} But when she could hide him no longer,
she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she
placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile.
{4} His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him. {5} Then
Pharaoh's daughter went down to the Nile to bathe, and her attendants were
walking along the river bank. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her
slave girl to get it. {6} She opened it and saw the baby. He was crying, and
she felt sorry for him. "This is one of the Hebrew babies," she said. {7} Then
his sister asked Pharaoh's daughter, "Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women
to nurse the baby for you?" {8} "Yes, go," she answered. And the girl went and
got the baby's mother. {9} Pharaoh's daughter said to her, "Take this baby and
nurse him for me, and I will pay you." So the woman took the baby and nursed
him. {10} When the child grew older, she took him to
Pharaoh's daughter and he became her son. She named him Moses, saying, "I drew
him out of the water."
Additional insight into the character of these two individuals is offered in
Hebrews 11:23: "By faith Moses' parents hid him for three months after he was
born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the
king's edict."
We need more men like Moses .... but it will take women of faith to
produce and rear them. May the tribe of Jochebed increase!
We need mothers like Hannah, the mother of
Samuel
Our first glimpse of her is as a
barren wife. She had an intense desire to bear a son, and her prayer and vow are
familiar to Old Testament students. 1 Samuel 1:11: "And she made a vow,
saying, "O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and
remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give
him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on
his head."
Several months later Hannah became a mother, and there was no doubt where that
child came from: 1 Samuel 1:20: "So in the course of time Hannah conceived
and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, "Because I asked the LORD
for him."
Hannah had several qualities needed of a good wife:
- she wanted to be a mother (how tragic when a child is born to a reluctant
mother)
- she was a woman of prayer
-she loaned her son to the Lord
We need mothers who are wise
Proverbs 14:1: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the
foolish one tears hers down."
Priorities
God – Relationship. Bible study, prayer, and meditation.
Spouse. Time together; meeting needs creatively; communication.
Children. Time together (attention); meeting needs creatively; communication.
Church. Worship and study; fellowship activities; program involvement.
Vocation. Dedication to conscientious service; time for growth and development.
Ministry Beyond Above. Evangelism; edification; benevolence; fellowship.
Children were never meant to be the hub of the family. Their place is on the periphery, sheltered and loved, but respected as children and expected to behave that way. The center of the family is the relationship between the husband and wife. All else revolves around that. In that way, when children leave the family, they can do so with the least disturbance to the family unit. If they are in the center of the cell, they cannot emerge without a serious rupture of the whole. Our function as parents is gradually to make ourselves unnecessary, to equip and to permit the child to orbit the family in everwidening circles, until he/she establishes in society as a fellow adult.
Hugging
Hugging can be vital to your emotional well-being. Everybody feels skin hunger throughout their lives, and unless that hunger is satisfied by touching, there is a vital void in the emotional makeup that is going to cause deep unhappiness. We all know that babies thrive on frequent stroking. Well, adults are no different. When they are not patted on the hand, or embraced around the shoulder, or hugged, they withdraw into themselves. I prescribe four hugs a day for survival, eight for maintenance, and 12 for growth. – Dr. Virginia Satir.
Remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. Remember and build on them. Don’t stop the courtship.
Be his wife not his child. Learn to handle difficulties like an adult. Be a helper – not a burden. He will worship the ground you walk on if you are a “trooper” when the going gets rough!
Build him up. No one on earth can build him up as high as you can, and by the same token, no one on earth can tear him down as low as you can. If there is some way you want him to change or develop, encourage him in that direction, but don’t try to push him! Be very considerate of his feelings.
Learn to live on his salary and make him feel like he is a very good provider. Never make him feel that he is a failure as a provider.
Make his home his castle. Make home a refuge for him. Most men don’t notice if a house is deep-down clean, but they notice if it is upside down. Feed him meals he enjoys. Make sure he realizes that he is more important to you than your parents or your children. Make him glad he came home. Make it obvious to children as well as friends that he is the head of the family.
A Living Presence
‘A young mother set her foot on the path of life. “Is the way long?” she asked. And the guide answered, “Yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning.
"But the young mother was happy and she could not believe that any could be better than these days. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way. And the sun shone on them and life
was good. And the young mother cried, "Nothing could be lovelier than this.
"Then came night and storm; and the path was dark and the children shook with fear and cold. But the mother drew close to them and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "We are not afraid, mother, for you are near; and no harm can come to us." And the mother said, "This is better than the brightness of day, for I have taught my children courage."
"And the morning came and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary. But at last she said to the children, "A little patience and we will be there." So the children climbed and when they reached the top they said, "We could not have done this without you, mother." And that night the mother looked up at the stars and said, "This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardship. Yesterday I gave them courage; today I gave them strength."
"And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth -- clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled. The mother said, "Look up; lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds the everlasting light, and it guided them and brought them beyond the darkness. And that night the mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."
"And the days went on and the weeks and the months and years, and the mother grew aged, and she was little and bent. But the children were tall and strong and walked with courage. And when the way was hard, they lifted her over the rough places. At last they came to a hill and beyond the hill they could see a shining road and the golden gates and they flung wide. And the mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey, and now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them." And the children said, "You will always walk with us, mother!" They stood and watched her walk through the golden gate; then the gate closed after her. And they said, "We cannot now see our mother but she is with us still-- she is a living presence."