Soar Like Eagles (Part 15)
Living Among the Samaritans - John 4:16-18

At a critical point in Jesus' discussion with the Samaritan woman at
the well, He asked her to go and bring her husband. When she answered
that she had no husband, Jesus said, "You have well said, 'I have no
husband'; for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have
is not your husband; this you have said truly" (4:17, 18). Mangled
marriages and crumbled commitments littered her past and sabotaged her
future. One fact was certain: Her life was out of control.
We can only speculate about whether or not the woman at the well was
typical of the people in the town of Sychar. Did her situation raise the
eyebrows of the townspeople, or did her lifestyle make her an average
citizen? We probably will never know.
However, in this study we want to reflect on the implications of
living in a society today where the experience of the Samaritan woman has
become commonplace.
Present trends indicate that 50 percent of all new marriages in the
U.S. will end in divorce. Although polygamy is outlawed in America, we
are surrounded by "serial polygamy," the practice of having many mates
one at a time. Most disturbing of all is the way we see the church
becoming so much like the culture in which we live.
For this reason, it is important that we linger at the well in Samaria
and seek the message of the Scriptures for ourselves as a people "living
among the Samaritans."
To live successfully among the "Samaritans" of our day, we first need
some solid information. This is not the destination of our journey today,
but it is the essentiai first stop.

A DOUBLE COMMITMENT
Sometimes when I am talking with a couple who are considering a
breakup of their marriage, I will hear them make statements like this:
"We are miserable in this relationship and would be much happier out of
it. Why should we stay in a marriage that is so much work? After all, who
stays together these days anyway?"
Implied in these words is the belief that we cannot expect any more of
Christians than we can expect of the rest of the world. Such an idea is a
devil's lie, for the Scriptures unapologetically teach a higher standard
of behavior for Christians.
Concerning God's standard for believers, Paul declared, "I wrote you
in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean
with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and
swindlers, or with idolaters; for then you would have to go out of the
world. But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called
brother if he should be an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater,
or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler--not even to eat with such a
one. For what have I to do withjudging outsiders? Do you notjudge those
who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. Remove
the wicked man from among yourselves" (1 Corinthians 5:9-13).
An obvious "double standard" is seen in these verses. Christians are
not to associate with immoral Christians, but they are permitted to
associate with immoral non-Christians. Why? Because much more is expected
of Christians.
When a Christian seeks to justify his behavior by saying, "Everyone
else is doing it," we must respond, "Yes, but God expects more from us
than He does from them, because we are Christians!"
When Paul wrote his letter to the Romans, he devoted the first eleven
chapters to doctrinal teaching and issues. Then he began to address
behavioral issues with these words: "I urge you therefore, brethren, by
the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice,
acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not
be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your
mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and
acceptable and perfect" (Romans 12:1-2).
J. B. Phillips' well-known translation of this verse is "Don't let the
world press you into its mold." The world is one way, and Christians are
to be something else. Devotion to God, not acceptance by the world, is to
be the pursuit of our lives.
Paul again set in contrast the way of the world and the way of the
Christian when he wrote about the "works of the flesh" and the "fruit of
the Spirit": "Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are:
immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife,
jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying,
drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you
just as I have forewarned you that those who practice such things shall
not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,
self-control; against such things there is no law" (Galatians 5:19-23).
The difference between the way a child of God lives and the way a
child of this world lives is absolute; they are to follow two completely
different roads.
What should surprise us is not that we are different and out-of-step
with our culture; what should surprise and concern us is when we find
ourselves being just like everyone else around us! Did you notice how
much the "deeds of the flesh" and the "fruit of the Spirit apply to
marriage?
We would expect, therefore, that the Christian approach to marriage
and the non-Christian approach to marriage have little in common.


A LIFETIME COMMITMENT
Malachi wrote about God's hatred toward divorce: "'I hate divorce,'
says the Lord, the God of Israel,'and him who covers his garment with
wrong,' says the Lord of hosts.'So take heed to your spirit, that you do
not deal treacherously'" (Malachi 2:16).
Be careful that you do not misread that verse. It does not say that
God hates divorced people; it says that God hates divorce!
In the eyes of God, divorce is breaking a covenant; it is forsaking a
commitment. In addition to that, it is tearing apart something that God
Himself put together in the first place. Jesus said, "What therefore God
has joined together, let no man separate" (Mark 10:9).
God's plan for people since'the beginning of time has been one man for
one woman for life. He knows it is not easy, and it is seldom the way of
the world, but`He knows that it is best. Consequently, He calls His
people to live by that high standard.
Paul proclaimed this same standard in the immoral setting of
first-century Corinth (1 Corinthians 7:10-16). He called on Corinthian
disciples whose mates had not become Christians to remain in their
marriages.
Such relationships were surely difficult, and many were probably
saying that it would be better for the Christians to get away from the
influence of their pagan mates.
Even in trying situations, Paul insisted that the right thing for
these Christians to do was to remain in their marriages and honor the
covenants they had made. Again, God holds His children to a rigorously
high standard.
No matter what the world is doing, God expects His children to remain
true to their marriage vows.


A COMMUNITY COMMITMENT
Siiren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher, once wrote, "There is no
lack of information in a Christian land; something else is lacking, and
this is a something which the one man cannot directly communicate to the
other."
While getting the right information is the beginning of how we cope
with living among the Samaritans, "something else is lacking." No one I
have known has entered a marriage expecting to get a divorce. Even
secular love songs on the radio use the words "forever" and "always."
I often do premarital counseling with college-age couples. When we
talk about divorce, I know what they will tell me before they ever open
their mouths. "We don't believe in divorce," they will confidently
affirm. "For us divorce is not an option." Why do so many couples end up
getting divorced if they know better when they start the marriage?
Obviously, something more than information is lacking.
The missing ingredient in faltering marriages, I believe, is the
church. In the first place, it is a community where people stay together,
providing a positive sort of peer pressure. Every time we come together
we see people who have stayed together for fifty or sixty years, and
seeing them gives us courage.
Even struggling marriages encourage us, because they show us that
people are willing to work hard to strengthen their marriages.
The church is also crucial to the marriage commitment because it
provides a larger family within which our families can live, struggle, be
nurtured, and survive.
Too often, I fear, American Christians look upon the church as an
information center for marriage, but little more. That mentality looks to
the church for teaching, for seminars and workshops where we can go to
get information that we then take home and try to implement in isolation
from the rest of the church. A more biblical model is to let our
marriages be part of a larger community.
In writing to Titus, Paul described the way the church should be a
center for family training, with the older women teaching the younger
women how to be Christian wives and mothers (Titus 2:1-5).
When a church is working in that way, those who are young or immature
have access to the much needed resources of age, experience, and support.
When trouble comes, everyone shares the anguish and rallies to the aid of
those in need. When neglect or abuse occurs, "family members" step in and
hold individuals accountable for their behavior, and they help the couple
work through the problem.
I am always encouraged when I hear someone say of a church, "They
stood by us in our darkest hour and walked with us through the struggle.
They were family to us!"
If such essential relationships are to flourish in the church, couples
must take responsibility for seeing that they connect with the support
they are going to need.
For one thing, they need to seek out older, more experienced couples
whose marriages they admire. They need to invite their mentors into their
homes for meals and find ways to spend time with these people who can
provide wise and gentle counsel and encouraging support.
Couples should work to build a strong network of Christian friends
before trouble ever starts. Once a marriage is in crisis, it is virtually
impossible to develop the kind of mutual friendships that every marriage
needs. The preacher in Ecclesiastes advised young people, "Remember also
your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the
years draw near when you will say, ‘I have no delight in them (Eccl.
12:1). The time to prepare for trouble is before it happens, and the time
to work on a supportive network for your marriage is before difficulties
arise.

Last modified: April 18, 2006